When You Need Me
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Honey returns to the ED after hearing about the attack on Noel. Cal thinks the last thing Ethan needs is to see Honey - but Ethan won't get the choice. (Warning: Possible mentions of violence)
1. Chapter 1

_When I watched last week's episode (Shame), I was surprised that no-one seemed to mention Honey. You'd think she'd be informed if her dad was in hospital and her arrival would also have the potential to make things even worse for Ethan. So here's what could have happened._

 _Just to warn you, Chapter 2 has taken a very dark direction I wasn't expecting it to, but I might delete that part so I don't want to post detailed warnings yet._

* * *

Cal was sitting outside when he saw her.

He was sitting outside and hoping this day wouldn't get any worse because he didn't think he could cope with any more. He'd tricked – no, guilt-tripped - Ethan into having a blood test, which had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now seemed worse and worse with every passing second.

What if Ethan had it?

How could Cal tell him anything without confessing what he'd done?

As if finding out something like that wouldn't be hard enough for Ethan, but knowing his brother was capable of going behind his back like that; collecting a blood sample under false pretences; playing on Ethan's guilt…

And to do it in this way: to let Ethan think he was helping a little boy, when most of all, he was helping Cal… potentially helping Cal to sign his death warrant…

Then there was the fact that Ethan was barely coping already following the death of the suicidal patient he'd so wanted to help. He'd shouted at another patient today and Lily had told him Ethan had lost it in a meeting, which put Cal into another difficult position. Ethan and Lily were finally getting around to being friends again and it wouldn't help either of them if Cal admitted to Ethan that Lily had told him had happened in the meeting and the reason for it.

It was so horrible, knowing what was upsetting Ethan but not feeling able to help him.

The news about Noel had made matters even worse: a guy they'd known ever since they'd been at the ED; a guy they saw every day. At first, Cal had been too shocked by the news to realise what it could mean for Ethan, but then, quite suddenly, it had hit him.

If Noel was in hospital, fighting for his life, then naturally, his daughter would want to visit. The fact she'd broken Cal's little brother's heart wasn't going to stop her – and so it shouldn't. But Cal had been praying she wouldn't come until Ethan's shift had finished for the day, for much as Noel needed Honey, Ethan _didn't_ need to see his ex.

But here she was, and Ethan was still in there, no doubt beating himself up over something that wasn't his fault.

She hadn't changed much. Long, wavy extensions. Far too much make-up (what had Ethan ever seen in her anyway? In what way was she even his type?); a bright pink top that seemed out of place in a hospital visitor; skinny jeans and high heels.

"Cal," she said, stopping in front of him.

"Honey," he responded, and turned away.

"How is he?" asked Honey.

Cal rounded on her. "Who? The guy who's lying critically ill in a hospital bed or the guy whose heart you ripped to shreds?"

"My dad," said Honey. "Obviously!"

Cal knew this was the right answer, but it infuriated him that she wasn't asking after Ethan; that she didn't care what she'd done to him; that Ethan meant nothing to her. "Go in and ask the guy on reception."

Honey flinched and her eyes filled with tears. "Oh God."

Cal felt a flash of impatience. "What's wrong?"

"The guy on reception," said Honey. "He's not going to be my dad, is he?"

"Well, obviously not!" said Cal. He knew he shouldn't be unkind to a girl whose dad had come close to death, but he hadn't forgotten what she'd done to Ethan. Of course, Ethan had done his best to hide it, but Cal had known the truth, long before Ethan had most uncharacteristically dissolved into tears over breakfast just because Cal was eating honey.

Ethan was so heartbroken, he'd actually _let_ Cal hug him.

Cal's fists were itching to clench. He would eat this Honey for breakfast too if she even thought about hurting Ethan again.

"Are you going then?" he said, realising the girl was still standing in front of him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Where's Ethan?"

Cal leapt from the bench into a standing position. "How dare you even mention his name?"

"I… I… I'm scared," whimpered Honey.

"Yeah? We all get scared, Honey. We don't all go running to Ethan."

"Since when have you done anything else?" she retorted.

"I'm his brother," said Cal. "I'm allowed. You're nothing to him."

"But I want Ethan!" she wailed. "My dad might be dying in there and I need Ethan."

"No!" Cal pointed a finger in her face and she took a hurried step backwards, stumbling slightly. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to walk back into his life just because your dad's seriously ill and demand to see Ethan. Have you even got any idea of how much you hurt him?"

Honey sniffled. "I didn't mean to. I thought we were suited, but... we weren't."

"That's fine," said Cal. "If you're not suited, then you're not suited. But to shout it out in the waiting room in front of everyone…"

"That was an accident!" said Honey. "And I didn't shout it. My dad was going on about Ethan being his son-in-law. To Ethan. I had to tell him. Ethan weren't going to say nothing."

Cal gave her a look of scorn. "There are better ways of telling him than that."

Honey was sobbing. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Tell that to Ethan!" said Cal, and instantly regretted it.

"I will," sniffed Honey. "When I see him, I'll tell him."

Cal took another step towards her. "You really think I'd let you within ten miles of him?"

Honey put her hands over her face and started to howl. Cal turned from her in disgust to realise they weren't alone.

"Cal, what are you doing!" Robyn was staring at him in anger and shock. "You can't speak to a relative like that!"

Cal was getting emotional too now. "She broke my brother's heart!"

"It doesn't matter," said Robyn.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?"

Robyn put her arm around Honey. "Of course it matters, but Honey's come to see her dad, who's seriously ill in hospital. That's the only thing we can think about right now. You're a doctor; she's a patient's relative. Come on, Honey. Come with me. I'll take you to your dad."

* * *

Cal had thought finding Ethan crying in the staff room would be the worst thing that could happen, but right now, he could see its advantages. At least if Ethan was hiding in here, he was less likely to walk into Honey.

Ethan didn't notice him at first, but as soon as he heard a footstep, he turned away and quickly wiped his eyes.

"Ethan." Cal sat down and put his arm around him – and it was a measure of Ethan's emotion that he leaned in to Cal, rather than pushing him away.

"What are you doing?" said Ethan, his voice soft and shaky.

"Trying to be there for my brother," said Cal.

Ethan's eyes filled again. "I'm fine."

"Ethan, you never cry when you're fine," said Cal. "Most of the time, you don't cry even when you aren't. Especially not in the staff room where anyone could catch you."

Ethan sniffed. "I'm not crying, Caleb. I've got to get back to work."

He put his glasses on and started to stand up. but Cal caught his shoulders. "I don't think you should go back to work, Ethan. Go home. It's okay. We can manage. I'll say you're not well."

"I don't think you should be making decisions for me or lying for me," said Ethan, but he sounded far from defiant.

"I'm not making decisions for you," said Cal as patiently as he could. "And I'm also not really lying. You're not yourself and I'm advising you to go home."

"And I'm rejecting your advice." Ethan stood up and walked out of the staff room.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING** : _I have decided to go with the violent storyline, but it happened in the past and there will be no detailed descriptions. I wanted to give Ethan another harrowing case to deal with. I really hope you'll all continue reading._

 **Tanith Panic** , angry Cal is quite scary, but all his emotions and recent experiences are mixed up in that. It's still scary for Honey, though and she's probably terrified about Noel already. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you like it so far.

 **CBloom2** , no, Ethan is not having an easy time of it and I'm afraid things won't be easy for him in this chapter either. Why do we torture him when he's so sweet and lovely? I'm so glad we all do it or I'd be worried about myself! Thank you for your review.

 **TVObsessedGirl28** , thank you for your review. I like it when Cal stands up for Ethan too - usually he doesn't get the chance as Ethan either keeps things to himself or Cal is the one upsetting him! I'll try to update every day, but I can't promise.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I love Cal's protective side too. I hope you'll like how the story pans out - I am a bit worried!

 **ETWentHome** , I'm glad I wasn't the only person who was surprised by the absence of Honey! Robyn wasn't originally going to be in that scene, but when I realised how angry Cal was, I thought someone had better step in! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter.

 **20BlueRoses** , I think Cal's guilt definitely plays a part in Cal's anger, though the way Honey treated Ethan is also a big reason for it! I'm not sure how much there is to come, but I'd say at least three more chapters. Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Thank you to **Gingersnaps2507** , **TVObsessedGirl28** and **Lcasualty95** for the follows and favourites.

* * *

Ethan got himself a fair distance from the staff room and took his glasses off so he could wipe his eyes. He had to stop this. He had to cope. He had to serve his notice. Then he could get out of Holby and cry as much as he wanted for everything he'd lost.

"Ethan?" said a voice.

Without his glasses, he wouldn't have recognised her, but the voice was unmistakeable. "Honey?"

"Ethan, what's wrong?" said Honey anxiously. "Is it my dad?"

"No," said Ethan at once. He put his glasses on. "Your dad is fine. He's doing much better."

Honey stepped closer. "Why are you crying?"

Ethan wanted to ask what it had to do with her, but there was something about Honey that always made him want to tell the truth. She had a way of making you feel you were special; a way of making you think _she_ was special: a person you could tell anything. The fact she'd broken his heat didn't stop him from wanting to confide in her. "I was trying to help a suicidal patient, but we were busy and I lost sight of him and he killed himself. It's fine. I just think about it sometimes."

Honey's eyes got bigger and wider. "Oh, Ethan," she said, hugging him. "It wasn't your fault. You did more than most people would."

 _But not enough…_

"Thank you, Honey," said Ethan, pulling away and removing his glasses so he could wipe his eyes again. "Have you seen your dad yet?"

"No. I'm scared," said Honey, her voice wobbling. "Robyn was taking me there, but I said I'd be fine on my own and I… ran off."

"It's okay. It's natural to be scared," said Ethan. "But it will be okay."

Honey's eyes flooded with tears. "Like I don't know if he'll still look like him or if he'll have all these cuts and bruises and machines coming out of him…"

"There are a few machines," admitted Ethan. "And a few signs of injury. But he is still your dad. He still looks like him. I'm sure the reality is much less frightening than what you're imagining now. ."

Honey started sobbing. "Oh God: how could someone do that to him?"

"I… I don't know," said Ethan, feeling at a loss. He didn't know what he could possibly say to make her feel better. He was useless. He couldn't even do his job.

"He's such a nice guy," wept Honey. "I mean, he'd never hurt anyone."

"No, he wouldn't," agreed Ethan helplessly.

Honey put her arms around Ethan again, resting her head on his shoulder. "He wanted to come up and see me the other week. Get some treatments done in my shop. He's not even into all that stuff, but he wanted to do it because it was me. I... I didn't return his call."

"Sometimes… life… just gets busy," said Ethan. He stood tensely, making no move to hug her. "I'm sure you would have returned his call."

"No, I wouldn't have!" wailed Honey. "I couldn't. And now I might never see him again." She clung to Ethan and cried noisily.

Ethan awkwardly lifted one hand and patted her back. "No, Honey. That's not true. Of course you'll see him. I'll take you to see him now. It's going to take him a bit of time to recover, but we do expect him to recover – and he'll be so pleased to see you."

"Are you?" Honey mumbled into his shoulder.

"Am I what?"

"Pleased to see me?"

Ethan was rather horrified to realise he wasn't. "I'm very pleased you've come. Shall we go and see your dad now?"

Honey still didn't let go of him. "I never meant to hurt you, you know."

"I know," said Ethan. "It's not your fault you didn't feel the same way as – as you used to."

Honey gave another sob. "I should have stayed here. I never should have let you go."

"You had to," said Ethan. "I wasn't what you wanted and you had to follow your dream. And I… I hope it's going very well."

"It's not going at all," sniffled Honey.

Ethan tried to disentangle himself. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you could go and talk to your dad about it. He'll want to help."

"I'd rather tell you," said Honey.

"Oh… um… okay," said Ethan unwillingly. "I mean, of course you can." He thought of taking her back to the staff room, but Cal might still be there. Of course, Cal was much better at this sort of thing than Ethan, but Cal had been so angry when he'd found out what Honey had done to Ethan. Ethan knew he couldn't let Cal near her.

So he would either have to deal with this himself or take her to Zoe or Lily and admit that this was something else he couldn't cope with.

Honey sniffed. "Didn't you used to have a relatives' room?"

"We can't go in there!" The words came out too violently and Honey looked at him in surprise.

"I'm a relative, aren't I?"

"Yes, of course, but… but we might be interrupted if we go in there," said Ethan. He didn't want to tell Honey he hadn't been in there since the day he'd left Chris in there.

Left him to die.

Ethan turned and walked away from Honey, looking for an unoccupied room but also blinking tears away. "Okay: we can go in here."

He held the door open for Honey, still fighting tears. Honey sat down and Ethan made sure he was back in control before sitting beside her.

"Would you like to tell me then?" he asked, after several seconds had passed in silence.

"I lost the money," said Honey.

Ethan was confused. "I'm sorry: what money?"

"My dad gave me some money to start up my beauty salon," said Honey. "So I bought some stuff with it. Massage beds. Tanning booths. Comfy sofas for the clients to sit on. That kind of thing."

"Those do sound like things you'd need," said Ethan, who'd never been inside a beauty salon, but he could imagine that massage and tanning were two services such a place might offer - and somewhere to sit was essential.

"But it weren't enough," said Honey. "I had to find somewhere to rent, but there weren't enough money left. So I started dancing in clubs again to raise the money."

Ethan wondered what to say. "I'm sure, if you went back to your dad…"

"Maybe then I could have done," said Honey. "He knew he hadn't given me quite enough. But I didn't want to go back to him and admit I'd failed."

"You hadn't failed, Honey," said Ethan. "You just… haven't succeeded yet. These things take time."

"Then I met a guy in the club," said Honey, her eyes misting over with tears. "I told him about my salon. I told him how much I had and how much more I needed. He said he was a big businessman and he was looking for a company to invest in. But not just any company. He wanted to help young people who were just starting out."

Ethan heard the warning bells ringing in his mind. "That sounds very.. providential."

"What's that mean?" said Honey.

"Like the answer to your prayers," said Ethan.

Honey nodded as her tears began to fall.

"But he wasn't, was he?" said Ethan.

Honey shook her head.

"What happened, Honey?" said Ethan softly.

"He wanted to see the money I'd got. He wanted to count it exactly. I had it in cash." Honey began to sob.

Ethan wasn't surprised by the anger he felt. He felt it all the time now. Most often towards himself.

Maybe this was his fault too. If he'd been a proper boyfriend, Honey wouldn't have wanted to move away. She could have stayed with him and they could have achieved Honey's dream together.

"Did he take your money?"

Honey nodded, still crying. "He took it all."

"I'm so sorry," said Ethan gently. He didn't tell her he knew how that felt. He doubted he and Honey would feel exactly the same way.

"But that wasn't all he took," whispered Honey.


	3. Chapter 3

**CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I hope Cal can step up, but letting Ethan leave wasn't a good start! I didn't want to ignore Ethan's current storyline, so I had to pile more stress on him... sorry, Ethan.

 **ETWentHome** , it's the last thing Ethan needs, but now Honey's told him this much, he can't really tell her to go away! You could be right about Honey. I hope you won't be put off if you are. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I suppose bringing back Honey would have taken the focus away from Big Mac, as well as having an impact on Ethan's storyline, but it still seemed odd! I don't think Noel's in tomorrow's episode so maybe someone will mention that Honey's looking after him. I think Taylor and Honey are quite similar - they both use and dupe men for their own ends! Thank you for your reviews.

 _Thank you to **EDSidekick** for the follow._

* * *

Something seemed to have sucked the oxygen out of the room. "What else did he take, Honey?" said Ethan, terrified of the answer but knowing he had to ask.

"He took… me," Honey choked out. "He put me on the massage bed and he…"

"Oh, Honey." Ethan reached for her hand: something he'd never expected to do again. "Have you told anyone else about this? Have you been checked out by a doctor or at a hospital?"

Honey shook her head. "I was too scared."

"I'm glad you've told me," said Ethan. "You did the right thing… a very brave thing. And I'm going to help you. Okay?"

"What are you going to do?" whispered Honey.

"I'm going to find an available cubicle," said Ethan. "We'll go in there and I'll arrange for a female doctor to come and speak to you. They'll explain everything and give you your options for what you want to do."

"What female doctor?" said Honey.

Ethan tried to remember who was working tonight. "Well… Lily's here."

"No, not Lily!" said Honey.

"Lily will be very professional and understanding," said Ethan. "You'll have no need to worry."

Honey shook her head. "No. I can't see Lily. You do it, Ethan."

Ethan tensed. "It's more usual for a female doctor to perform the examination, if at all possible. If you'd rather not see Lily, Dr Hanna is here."

"Why can't you do it?" wailed Honey. "I trust you. You're a doctor: you must have seen women's bits before."

"Well… um… it really is my recommendation that you see a female doctor. You might feel comfortable with me now when we're just talking, but the physical examination will be very different."

"I don't want anyone else to know!" sobbed Honey.

Ethan told himself not to panic. He could deal with this. "Honey, even if I were to perform the examination, a female nurse would be present. I am very willing to support you all I can, but I can't do everything myself."

"What could a nurse do that you can't?" snapped Honey. "Either you do it, Ethan, or it doesn't get done. It's your choice."

"Honey, I know this has been difficult for you, but please, take some time to think about this," said Ethan desperately. "You're obviously upset – as anyone would be. But apart from the, er, gender differences, we have also been… close friends."

"That's why I want it to be you!" said Honey. "Please, Ethan. You're the only person I trust. Please help me."

* * *

Cal knew he should have followed Ethan. Ethan was upset and in no condition to work and running into Honey wouldn't help matters.

But the truth was, Cal was close to tears himself.

It broke his heart that Ethan couldn't see that Cal was trying to help him. He couldn't even see that Cal cared.

Cal could have blamed Ethan for this and perhaps at one time, he would have done. But not now. He'd given Ethan so many reasons to think he didn't care about him. He'd moved himself into Ethan's flat and refused to leave. He'd teased and tried to undermine Ethan at work. He'd promised to pay bills and then not paid them. _He'd stolen Ethan's money_. Now he was keeping a secret from him that seemed bigger and more terrible with every passing day yet Cal still hadn't told him. What kind of a brother would do that?

Even when Ethan had cried in his arms over Honey, probably too upset to pull away, Cal had teased him. Only gently, but he'd still teased him. Ethan hadn't showed any signs of minding – he hadn't stopped crying, but he hadn't cried any harder – but that didn't mean Cal hadn't hurt him.

That was what Cal always did; what he always had done and the worst part was that it was never going to stop. If Cal told him the truth – the many truths he'd kept from Ethan – Ethan was going to get hurt. If Cal kept it from him and kept pushing his brother away, that would hurt him too.

The worst of it was it had all started from a desire to help and support Ethan. That was all he wanted, but every time he got the chance to tell Ethan, he'd always found a reason not to.

Cal felt his tears threatening to overflow and was about to give in to him as he usually did, but then he remembered. Ethan was out there somewhere, already upset. Honey was out there too and the last thing Ethan needed was to see her. Cal had known this, but as usual, he'd just been thinking about himself and his own feelings.

No, that wasn't quite true: he had been thinking of how unhappy Ethan was, but instead of doing something constructive to help him, all he'd done was sit here and think about what a terrible brother he was.

What was that going to achieve?

Angrily, Cal wiped his tears away and left the staff room, but there was no sign of Ethan. Cal went into Resus (and got shouted at); he listened outside cubicles; he asked everyone he saw if they knew where Ethan was, but each time, he drew a blank.

He went to Noel's room just in case Honey had found Ethan and dragged him off to see Noel, but neither of them were there. Noel was lying on the bed, looking weak and vulnerable. Cal felt a lump in his throat as he wondered how Noel would be feeling if he was awake: lying there waiting for a daughter who presumably hadn't come. For the first time, Cal realised how similar he and Noel were. They'd both discovered, out of nowhere, that they had a daughter. They'd both experienced the initial horror; the feeling of being unprepared; the fear that they would not be good enough. This had been followed by the joy of finding out you loved being a dad; that you loved your daughter more than anything.

Cal had already lost his daughter. Whatever the tests might have said, Matilda had been his. For all anyone knew, Honey might not be Noel's daughter, but he loved her and Cal didn't want him to experience the pain of losing her. He didn't want him to wake up and discover Honey wasn't there.

"Has Noel's daughter or Dr Hardy been in here?" he asked the nurse who was looking after Noel – but he wasn't expecting an affirmative answer. If Honey had come in here, he doubted she would have left.

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry. I haven't seen either of them, Dr Knight. I know Noel's daughter was on her way to visit him, but I didn't know she'd arrived."

"Okay: thanks." Cal looked at his friend lying in the bed and felt his anger rising. He didn't know what Honey was playing at or why she was really here, but Noel needed her and Ethan most definitely didn't. Why couldn't she just get that through her head?

If she was even _thinking_ about getting her acrylic claws into Ethan again…

Cal left Noel and hurried down the corridor, almost walking into someone coming the other way. They both mumbled apologies before Cal suddenly realised who it was and called her back. "Robyn!"

She stopped. "You all right, Cal?" She came closer, her smile fading to concern. "What is it?"

"Where's Honey?" said Cal urgently, ignoring her question. "Why isn't she with Noel?"

Robyn looked startled. "I thought she was. We were nearly there and Zoe asked me to do something and I told Zoe I'd just be a minute, but Honey insisted she'd be fine to go in on her own. Did she get lost?"

"I don't know," said Cal grimly. "All I know is that Honey has disappeared – and so has Ethan."

"That doesn't mean they're together," offered Robyn, placing a gentle hand on Cal's arm. "It's a big hospital and Ethan's probably with a patient."

"But what if he's not?" burst out Cal. "What if they're together now and she's getting something out of him; setting him up for another fall? Do you have any idea how much Ethan's been through lately? Do you have any idea how much he's _going_ to go through?"

Robyn stared at him. "What do you mean: how much he's going to go through?"

Cal realised he'd said too much. "All doctors go through stuff all the time. It's the price of caring. Sometimes I wish I could switch off and not care anymore. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt. But I can't. None of us can."

Robyn looked almost frightened. "Cal, why don't you go and take a break? If I see Ethan or Honey, I'll tell them you were looking for them."

"Yeah. Sure. I'll take a break," said Cal, seizing the opportunity to get rid of her. He walked towards the exit, but once Robyn was out of sight he turned back and resumed his search, aware of his breath coming in anxious little gasps.

He had to find Ethan.

He just had to.


	4. Chapter 4

**20BlueRoses** , Cal wouldn't react well if he found Ethan and Honey together - he'd be too worried about Ethan to consider that Honey might have a genuine medical reason for seeing a doctor! That's definitely something I'll consider. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm sure Ethan wants to help her, but his current situation and his past relationship with Honey won't make it easy. I hope Cal would be sympathetic towards a rape victim, but his main concern is Ethan's mental state. Thank you for your review.

 **xXSophXx** , I think the actor might have chosen not to return for personal reasons, but they could have said she was there without showing her. Maybe we'll hear something tonight! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.

 **EDSidekick** , don't worry: my notifications aren't working either - I didn't get a notification about your review or that I'd posted Chapter 3. Cal pushed Ethan and Honey together so I thought there might be some guilt there, which would only increase the anger he feels towards Honey. I think you could be right about Honey saying more than she intended. The Honey/Matilda comparison just popped into my head for some reason - I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **xXSophXx** for the favourite._

* * *

Ethan got the paperwork together and sat for a moment, looking down at it, thinking how much had changed in a few short minutes. He was still a terrible doctor and he was convinced he was going to mess this up in some way, but he was alone with a woman he'd never expected to see again, discussing the kind of thing he'd never been able to discuss with her when they'd been dating, and now preparing for a part of his job which he was fully trained for, but which he'd never expected to have to do - at least not alone.

"I'm afraid I need to ask you a few questions before we start," said Ethan awkwardly. "Some of them might be embarrassing or painful to answer, but you don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to. The more you tell me, the more help I'll be able to give you, but I appreciate it must be very difficult."

Honey nodded. She wasn't looking at him. Ethan wasn't sure if that made it easier or not.

"Firstly, can you tell me how long ago the incident occurred?"

"Three days ago," whispered Honey.

"That's good," said Ethan, making a note.

Honey stared at him. "How is it good?" Her voice rose hysterically. "How is any of this good?"

Ethan was upset to realise he'd made another mistake. "I'm sorry, Honey. I really am so sorry. Of course it isn't good. But the fact it happened within seventy-two hours means there's a greater chance of finding evidence, which will be helpful if you want to press charges now or in the future."

Honey started to cry. "Do you mean I'd have to tell the police? I can't talk to the police, Ethan. I can't." She stood up, sobbing. "Can we forget about this? I made a mistake. I don't want to do this."

"Honey, you don't have to tell the police," said Ethan, horrified at himself. If she walked out now… "I do strongly recommend it, but it's entirely your choice. I can't tell the police without your consent because everything you tell me is confidential."

Honey stayed standing for a moment, but then she nodded and slowly sat down again, still crying.

Ethan passed her a tissue. "Just take your time, Honey, okay? There's no rush." He pretended to read through some of the paperwork while she wiped her tears and calmed down a little bit. "Let me know when you're ready to continue. I've got a few more questions I need to ask you, but as I said before, you can refuse to answer any of them and if you need to stop, all you have to do is tell me."

* * *

No sign.

No sign of either of them

They could have left the hospital separately, of course. Honey might have panicked at the thought of seeing Noel so ill and Ethan might have decided (although it would be unlike him) that he was too upset to work and taken himself off home. They could have left the hospital without seeing each other. Nobody would be likely to mention to Ethan that Honey was there.

Cal sighed and leaned back against the wall. That was the best case scenario, if 'best' came into it at all, but there were so many other possibilities. He didn't know what was wrong with Ethan, but he was very unhappy, according to Lily and Cal's own observations. If Honey came along just when he needed someone and offered an escape route, he might take it.

It didn't sound very much like Ethan. It sounded far more like Cal, but in times of stress, not everyone reverted to type.

Cal had already tried phoning him twice, but Ethan's phone was switched off. There was no point in trying again, but he did it anyway because he couldn't do nothing. But the result was the same and he sank down onto the hospital floor in despair.

He couldn't blame Ethan for wanting to start a new life without him. Cal knew he was nothing but trouble and a complete waste of space as a brother. The wave of misery that engulfed him was no surprise: tears came almost as naturally as breathing now. But there was worse to consider.

If Ethan had walked out of Cal's life and never contacted him again, then Cal wouldn't be able to tell him. He would live his life in ignorance until one day, he'd realise something was wrong. Perhaps his hand would be shaking or he'd forget something he'd just been told. At first, he might think nothing of it, but as the symptoms advanced, it probably wouldn't take Ethan long to figure out what was wrong. Ethan, unlike Cal, was a brilliant doctor. But once he had figured it out, he'd realise that Cal might also have the condition and would contact him to inform him… because that was the kind of thing a decent brother did.

"Cal?" said a surprised voice, and Zoe was there, looking down at him. "What's wrong?"

"I've lost Ethan," said Cal brokenly. He wiped his hands across his wet cheeks.

"No, you haven't!" said Zoe. She knelt down in front of him. "He was a bit upset and stressed out so I told him to go home. Would you like to go early too? We're not too busy at the moment."

Cal felt the relief flow through him, but it didn't last. He knew Ethan wouldn't go home just because he was told to. "When did you tell him to go home?"

"Oh, about an hour ago, I think," said Zoe.

Cal felt the strength draining from his body. "He didn't go, Zoe. I saw him much more recently than that. He was upset, but he didn't say anything about going home."

"Perhaps he changed his mind after speaking to you," said Zoe soothingly. "Now, Cal, I understand you're upset, but you can't sit in the corridor like this. Why don't you go and get yourself a cup of tea and see how you feel?"

"A cup of tea won't bring Ethan back!" said Cal.

Zoe patted his shoulder and slowly straightened up. "No, it won't, Cal, but it might bring back your sense of proportion. I know Ethan is your brother, but just because he's struggling a little bit at the moment, it doesn't mean there's anything seriously wrong. You know Ethan. He usually bounces back. I'm actually far more worried about you!"

"But Honey's here," said Cal.

"Cal, believe me. No-one knows better than me how difficult it is having an ex all over the place. But Honey is here to see Noel and he's the only person she's likely to be concerned with at present."

"Not very concerned," said Cal. "Or she'd be with him now, wouldn't she?"

* * *

"Okay, I think that's all I need to know for now," said Ethan. "Thank you, Honey, for being so brave and so honest. Would you like me to go and find a cubicle now or would you like to go and see your dad first?"

Honey looked undecided, caught between two options, both of which clearly terrified her. "Let's get this done first, before I change my mind."

Ethan nodded and left her alone for a moment while he went in search of an empty cubicle. He found one quickly and looked around for a nurse, relieved when the first he saw turned out to be Lofty. "Lofty, I need a favour."

Lofty gave him a worried look. "Are you okay, Ethan?"

"I need a cubicle," said Ethan. "I have a patient in… very delicate circumstances. I know that if I asked her to book herself in, she wouldn't do it. But she needs my help and I'm going to do whatever it takes."

Lofty didn't look any less concerned. "Ethan. I can understand that you're upset about… things that have happened. But you can't help everyone. If this patient is capable of booking herself in but chooses not to-"

"It's not like that!" Ethan's voice was unusually sharp and Lofty took a step back, though Ethan sensed it was more in surprise than fear. "I'm sorry, Lofty. But she needs my help and we can't afford a delay."

For a horrible moment, he thought Lofty would refuse. But then the nurse nodded. "Okay, Ethan. Cubicle 6 is free. Would you like me to find Robyn for you?"

"No, thanks," said Ethan. "I can handle it."

 _But can I?_ thought Ethan as he watched Lofty walk away. He wasn't sure.

He wasn't sure at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you enjoyed it so much. Ethan probably wouldn't agree that he's coping well, but he's doing more than a lot of doctors would.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I have been a bit vague about what's happened to Honey as I didn't want to go into too much detail, but she's actually been sexually assaulted.

 **EDSidekick** , Cal is so fragile at the moment, I didn't think it would take much to upset him! Ethan is trying his best to be professional, but as you say, it's such an emotional situation. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , it doesn't take much for Ethan to beat himself up at the moment and Honey is unlikely to find the examination easy, so I can't promise everything will be okay. That's an interesting idea about Cal - I'll consider it! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Firebird08x** for the follow._

* * *

Ethan helped Honey to sit comfortably on the bed. "The first thing I need to do is to take some bloods and get them sent off to the lab. We should get the results back fairly quickly and we can sort out where to go from there.."

"What if I'm pregnant?" whispered Honey.

"We'll think about that if it happens," said Ethan. "But I'm going to give you the emergency contraceptive pill. Even though it's been a few days, we're still within the time limit."

"You'll _think_ about it if it happens? What's that supposed to mean?" said Honey. "Don't you know what to do or something? Are you desperately hoping I won't be so you won't have to deal with it?"

Her words shook Ethan because they were so close to being true. "Well, as it was only three days ago, it's very unlikely we'd be able to detect whether you're pregnant or not. In fact, if we give you a test and it comes out as positive, we can be almost sure that conception occurred before the incident rather than after it. We wouldn't normally do a pregnancy test until four weeks after the incident."

"Four weeks?" wailed Honey, then a look of fear came into her eyes and she lowered her voice. "How am I supposed to wait four weeks?"

"I know it will be difficult," said Ethan. "I wish there was an easier way. But with the emergency contraceptive pill, the chances of your being pregnant will be very much reduced."

"Reduced," whispered Honey, her face almost unrecognisably twisted with resentment and fear. Her voice swelled to a shout. "Reduced isn't good enough, Ethan!"

Ethan hushed her quickly. "I'm very sorry, Honey. I know you're emotional and that's understandable, but if you don't want to be discovered…"

"I know," said Honey, her eyes wet with tears. "I'm just scared, Ethan."

"Of course you are," said Ethan gently. He took her hand in his and held it for a moment. "I need to go and get your pill and some equipment I need to take your bloods. I'll be back as quickly as I can."

* * *

Cal was trying to work, but it was difficult. Every patient he saw seemed to be wasting his time and that annoyed him because there was someone out there – his brother – who really needed him. He tried to be patient and calm, but he snapped once or twice and was forced to apologise. Even if they were time-wasters, he was still supposed to be polite.

He just wanted Ethan to be okay.

When the text arrived, Cal was shining his torch into someone's eyes. He jumped and the torch fell from his fingers, landing in the patient's lap. He apologised again and picked it up to continue his task, but it was an effort to keep his mind on what he was doing because he just knew the text was from Ethan.

It seemed to take forever to examine the patient. When he finally went off for x-ray, Cal was close to collapsing with relief, but he managed to stay upright and pull his phone out of his pocket. He pressed the button to read the text, desperate to know what Ethan had to say. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for. Of course he wanted to hear that Ethan was okay, but he'd seen for himself that Ethan wasn't. He just wanted Ethan to tell him the truth.

But how could he expect that when he'd been concealing something from Ethan for over a month?

Then Cal read the text and realised it wasn't from Ethan at all.

* * *

Ethan cleaned Honey's arm carefully and attached the tourniquet. He touched her arm and located a suitable vein. "You might prefer to look away," he said.

"I'm not squeamish," said Honey, but Ethan could feel she was shaking.

"Don't worry. I'll be very gentle," he said as he picked up the needle.

Honey's trembling intensified. So much so that Ethan had to move the needle away.

She spoke through quivering lips. "That's what _he_ said."

"Oh, Honey. I'm so sorry," said Ethan. He couldn't possibly have known what he'd said because Honey hadn't told them and it wasn't an unreasonable thing to say to a nervous patient, but he knew he'd messed up again and he hated himself for it.

"I don't know… I don't know if I can do this," said Honey tearfully.

"Of course you can," said Ethan, and took her hand in his. "I know it's difficult, Honey, but you're strong. You've always been strong. I know you can do this. I believe in you."

"Okay," whispered Honey.

Ethan didn't try to hide his relief. "Thank you." He picked up the needle again. "So, um, have you been working at all since you've been building up your shop?"

"I told you. I've been dancing," said Honey.

"Ah, yes." Ethan carefully inserted the needle. "You're a very good dancer, Honey. But you know, there are many other things I think you could do. You don't need to… to…"

"To what?" said Honey. "Go on. Say it, Ethan. Say what you really feel."

Ethan watched the blood go into the container. "You don't need to put yourself into vulnerable situations."

Honey gasped almost silently and her eyes filled with tears. "Are you saying it was my fault?"

"No, of course not!" said Ethan, horrified to realise he'd done it again. He was so stupid. He couldn't even talk to his patients now. "Honey, what happened was in no way your fault. That man is a criminal. You mustn't blame yourself for anything he did."

"But if I wasn't dancing, I wouldn't have met that guy and this wouldn't have happened," said Honey, her tears falling. "That's what you're saying, Ethan, isn't it?"

Ethan realised uncomfortably that it was what he was saying – but that didn't mean it was true. "You can meet people like that anywhere, Honey," he said as he removed the needle and pressed a piece of gauze against the wound. "It happened to Cal. He thought his girlfriend loved him, but she was just after his money. They didn't meet in any kind of club. She came to the hospital with breathing difficulties, made contact with Cal and took it from there."

Honey sniffed. "Then I'm not putting myself in a vulnerable situation, am I? If it can happen in a hospital too."

"I just meant the dancing," said Ethan. "You're so much better than that. I'm sure you can't really enjoy it. There must be other things you can do. You were a very good barista. You managed to get a job in the same place as your dad, which couldn't have been easy. You must have given an excellent interview, especially considering your lack of experience. There are so many things you could do while you're working on getting your shop."

A tear trickled down Honey's cheek. "Maybe I don't want a shop anymore."

Ethan finished dressing Honey's arm. "I can understand if you feel like that. But you're doing the right thing, Honey. You're taking care of your health first. Speaking of which, I'm afraid I do need to examine you. Would you mind removing your jeans and your… your underwear for me? I'll just be outside."

"Please stay," said Honey.

Ethan swallowed. "Of course. But I'll turn my back."

"You know," said Honey, when his back was turned, "if you'd said something like that to me when we were together, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

Ethan felt ice on his spine. He had to clear his throat before he could speak. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you'd actually tried to get my clothes off instead of boring me to death with those stupid films and the latest medical research," said Honey, "maybe we'd still be together now. Maybe I wouldn't have tried to be a beautician. Maybe I'd be safe with you and my dad. And maybe my dad wouldn't have got attacked because I'd have been with him that day. Oh, Ethan, if you were more of a man…"

Ethan couldn't move, but he knew Honey was right. It was his fault. All of it. He could have prevented this.

He felt tears spilling down his cheeks but made no move to wipe them away. He couldn't move. All he could think of was all the terrible things that had happened because of him.


	6. Chapter 6

**EDSidekick** , Ethan is adorable when he says the wrong thing! I like it because it can be either hilariously funny or really awful. Either way, it makes me want to hug him. You'll find out who sent the text soon! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , Honey is so upset and so terrified it's her fault, she doesn't quite know what she's saying - but it is still a bad thing to say, even when you don't consider what Ethan is going through. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. As usual, the brothers really need each other. I think Cal would do everything he could to convince Ethan it wasn't his fault - but he's go to get Ethan to confide in him first!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Honey didn't behave very well in this chapter, but her head is a complete mess at the moment. She was very wrong, but I hope it didn't just come across as nastiness. Of course, Ethan's head is a mess too!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think it would take a lot to convince Ethan he's not to blame - which worries me as I'll probably have to write that scene! I can't take the credit for the irritating Honey, unfortunately! Thank you for your reviews.

 _Thank you to **Future light** for the favourite._

* * *

Cal read the text over and over again. It didn't give him any details. All it said was that the blood tests he'd requested for C. Knight and E. Hardy had been processed and the results were ready for collection.

All he had to do was to find a computer, log into his account and look for the results – and then he'd know. He'd know everything he needed to know.

He'd know everything he had to tell Ethan.

Cal's hands were shaking. Sometimes it was a relief when they did that. If he had the disease, then Ethan probably didn't.

But he knew that this time, his hands were shaking because he was afraid.

If only he'd left it alone. If only he'd managed to convince himself that there was nothing wrong with his blood groups. He'd succeeded in convincing himself if far sillier things. Like that Taylor would have a good reason for inventing a charity. Or that the fact she'd done that didn't mean she didn't love him. Or when he'd told himself he was doing the right thing in taking Ethan's money.

But this was different. Cal was a doctor. He knew all about blood groups. Love was subjective. Blood groups were facts.

Cal's hands might be shaking, but his fingers could still move. It only took him a few seconds to delete the text message.

He didn't have to do anything. He could pretend he'd never taken the bloods. He could forget all about it.

But he couldn't forget.

Even though the text was gone, the results were still there. Waiting. Perhaps forever: very little was deleted from the computer system these days. Memory was unlimited and records went back for years. Even if he waited a year, two years, ten years, the results could still be there. The results that would change his life and Ethan's.

The result that would destroy their lives, no matter which of them had it.

No, he wouldn't destroy Ethan's life unnecessarily. If Cal had it, he would leave. Disappear. He'd done it before; it wouldn't come as a complete surprise to Ethan if he did it again. Ethan would be irritated at first. Perhaps even a little bit sad. But Cal didn't doubt that a big part of him would be relieved. No more stress. No more dramas. No more dirty clothes left all over the house. Yes, Ethan was probably dying for Cal to do another vanishing act.

The difference was that this time, Cal wouldn't come back.

* * *

"I'm ready."

Honey's voice was soft and shaky. Ethan was amazed he'd heard it at all.

"I'll just be a moment," he said, his own voice sounding much like hers. He ducked out of the cubicle before she could say anything and took his glasses off so he could wipe the tears from his cheeks. He sniffed a couple of times and told himself to be calm. The examination he had to perform was difficult for every doctor. It was bound to be emotional. The fact it was his fault would only make it more so.

But no matter how much he was suffering, Ethan knew Honey had suffered so much more. He could only think of her now.

He put his glasses back on and went back into the cubicle. "Sorry about that."

"Have you been crying?" said Honey.

"No, I just…" Ethan stopped. He wouldn't be able to think of a convincing explanation and he knew Honey didn't want one. All she wanted was for it to be over.

Ethan could see the tears in Honey's eyes. He could see her shoulders heaving and hear the shortness and shallowness of her breathing. He hated that he was about to frighten her and possibly hurt her, but he had no choice. This was important. He wanted Honey to be healthy and safe.

"I'll try to be as gentle as I can," he whispered.

Honey nodded. A tear ran down her cheek.

"I'll just, um, get on with it," said Ethan. "That's probably best."

He bent over Honey and began to do what he needed to, working through the procedure he'd always hoped he'd never need to follow. He heard sobs and sniffles from Honey and considered offering words of comfort, but he knew it wouldn't help.

"Stop!" cried Honey.

Ethan stopped at once. He stood up, moving his hands away from her. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"I can't do this," sobbed Honey.

"Of course you can," said Ethan. "I know you can. But it doesn't have to be right now. We can wait a little while."

"No!" said Honey. Her eyes met his, pleading and wet. "Please can you get a lady doctor?"

"Of course I can," said Ethan. He felt hurt by her rejection of him and desperately sorry for whatever he'd done wrong, but he knew his own feelings didn't matter. He covered her in the correct way so he could preserve her modesty without destroying evidence, careful not to look or touch. "I'll be as quick as I can. You've done really well, Honey. It will be over soon."

He removed one of his gloves and rested his hand lightly on Honey's shoulder. She didn't look at him. Ethan wondered if _he'd_ touched her shoulder like that. Perhaps he'd also told Honey it would be over soon. But even before then, Ethan must have done something wrong because she'd changed her mind about him. She'd rather have a doctor she hardly knew than a clumsy, tactless idiot like Ethan.

He left the cubicle, disposed of his gloves safely and went to look for Zoe. He saw Lily going into a cubicle but felt instinctively that she would be the wrong choice. Lily had no liking for Honey and was not known for being gentle. Zoe would be a much better choice.

Zoe was in Resus. There was nothing Ethan could do but wait until she'd made the call and announced the time of death. "Is there a problem, Dr Hardy?" she asked him, her method of address as well as the sadness in her eyes showing that this was not a good time.

"I have a patient who needs attention from a lady doctor," he said.

Zoe sighed. "Can't you ask Lily?"

"It… it's a very sensitive situation," said Ethan. His voice was beginning to shake and his eyes were stinging. "It's Noel's daughter, Honey."

"It's just I am quite busy, Ethan, and Lily is perfectly-" Zoe stopped as their eyes met. "Just let me get cleaned up and I'll be right with you."

"Thank you."

Zoe was as quick as anyone could be. Ethan explained the situation and showed her to the cubicle. He stood awkwardly, not quite knowing if he should stay or go.

"Why don't you take a break, Ethan?" said Zoe, placing her hand gently on his arm. "I'll take care of her."

Ethan nodded and turned away, only to be stopped immediately by Zoe's voice.

"Ethan? She's gone."

* * *

Cal couldn't work after getting the text. He couldn't do anything. He wished he could go and talk to Charlie, but as supportive as Charlie had been, Cal knew he wouldn't condone his methods of convincing Ethan to have blood taken. There had been too many moments already when Charlie had seemed on the point of giving up on him. He couldn't risk that happening again.

He didn't know how he was going to get through this, but he knew he couldn't do it without Charlie.

Cal left the staff room and walked straight out of the hospital. If he stayed, he would only be asked to treat patients and he knew that any interaction with patients could only end in disaster. He sank down onto a bench and put his head into his hands. He didn't want to cry again, particularly not when Ethan was so fragile, but he couldn't help it. It always surprised him that he had any tears left, but it seemed there were always more, just waiting to overwhelm him.

He only lifted his head when he heard running feet. Into his mind had come the crazy thought that it was Ethan, even though he couldn't think of any reason why Ethan would be running. It didn't sound like a man anyway. It sounded like someone wearing heels.

"Honey?" he called out, his voice still choked with tears, but she heard. "Where are you going?"

"It's none of your business!" she snapped back, and he realised she was crying too.

Cal got to his feet. "Honey, I know it must be upsetting seeing your dad like that, but he needs you to stay."

"Well, I can't!" cried Honey, tears pouring down her face. "I can't stay!"

"I do understand, you know," said Cal. "When something bad happens, I run too. But it's not the best way, Honey. Sometimes you need to face things. Sometimes you have to put your family first."

Honey's mouth twisted with derision. "What: like you and Ethan?" she said through her tears.

"Like me and Ethan," said Cal firmly. "Or like how we ought to be." He took a step towards her, his hand outstretched. "Come here."

Honey gasped and jerked backwards, nearly falling over.

"Here: it's okay. I've got you," said Cal, as he put his arm around her to steady her.

"Just get your hands off me!" Honey's voice rose to a scream. She shoved Cal hard and, off balance, he fell to the ground.

Pain shot through his arm as he watched Honey running away.


	7. Chapter 7

**ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Cal did get quite a few things wrong in the last chapter! In terms of his thoughts anyway. The very last thing Ethan needs now is for Cal to disappear! Ethan does need a break, but he's getting things wrong in his thoughts too.

 **20BlueRoses** , sometimes it's nice to read two chapters at once instead of one! I'm just happy you enjoyed them. The test results are such a big part of Cal's life at the moment, I couldn't ignore them, so I'm glad you like that they're there! Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. I really hope you'll keep reading.

 **EDSidekick** , you know me... I like to pile the agony on for Cal and Ethan! I'm not completely sure where the story is going in terms of Cal's secret - he might think Ethan's in no condition to be told - but yes, it's all going to go wrong - if it hasn't already! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm not sure it's Honey ruining her life so much as letting someone else ruin it, but I take your point. I had to immobilise Cal somehow, but I think you're right about accidents happening in EDs - especially this one! I'm sure patients and relatives are often very upset, and Honey is technically both!

 _Thank you for **larub12** for the favourite._

* * *

Ethan heard Zoe calling after him, but he didn't stop. He knew Honey might still be in the hospital. She might have felt nauseous and gone to the loos, though there were cardboard bowls in the cubicles. She might have decided that Noel's problems were more important than hers and returned to his side.

But he couldn't help thinking Honey had asked him to leave so she could make her getaway. He hadn't realised and now she'd gone.

Once more, it was all Ethan's fault.

He raced out of the hospital and looked around desperately, but the only person he could see was sitting on the ground, holding his arm. A second glance revealed the person to be his brother. Ethan ran to his side. "Cal, I know you're hurt, but please tell me: have you seen Honey?"

"She's the one who hurt me." Cal's voice was low and filled with pain. Ethan hesitated, but only momentarily. Cal plainly needed medical attention – but so did Honey, and cases of sexual assault came second only to life-saving emergency treatment.

"Cal, I'm really sorry, but I have to go after Honey. Which way did she go?"

Cal stared at Ethan, but indicated the direction with his good arm and Ethan ran off. He tried to console himself with the thought that firstly, it was unlikely she'd parked her car in that direction and secondly, that he could cover the ground in his trainers much more quickly than Honey could in heels, but he couldn't see her ahead of him and he quickly realised there were too many roads she could have taken. He would have to go and get his car.

He ran back to Cal, who was still nursing his arm. "Cal, I need to search for Honey in my car. Are you badly hurt?"

"My elbow," said Cal, who looked slightly green. "I think it's dislocated."

Ethan hesitated. He knew there could also be a fracture, and a fracture at the elbow was dangerous because of the possibility of damaged blood vessels.

But the victim of sexual assault still had to come first.

"I'll phone Zoe and explain what happened," said Ethan. "I've got to phone her anyway. I hope it's not too serious." He put his hand on Cal's shoulder. "Hold it in the most comfortable position and support it with your other arm. Actually, sorry: you already know what to do! I'll be back later."

He started to move away, then stopped. Here was another injury that had only happened because of his incompetence. He turned back to face Cal.

Ethan's lip quivered. "I'm sorry, Cal."

Cal looked up at him in surprise and winced as the movement apparently disturbed his arm. "What are you sorry for? Abandoning your injured brother to chase after your ex-girlfriend? If it was anyone else, I might take it personally, but this is _you_ , Ethan. You're a good doctor. If you're going after Honey, it's because her need is greater than mine."

 _You're a good doctor…_

Perhaps he'd been that once, but not now. Ethan pulled his phone out of his pocket as he ran, then stopped in horror as he realised his car keys were still inside. He skidded to a halt, almost falling over, and ran back into the hospital, where he nearly collided with Zoe.

She caught his arms. "Whoa, Ethan: are you trying to cause an accident?"

Ethan's eyes filled with tears. He probably couldn't have caused more accidents if he had been trying.

"Ethan?" Zoe kept hold of him. "Ethan, it's not your fault. It does look like Honey asked for a female doctor specifically so she could escape, but you couldn't have guessed that and even if you had, it would have been very difficult to prevent her from leaving if that was what she wanted. If I'd come straight away, we might have got back here before she was fully-dressed, but I couldn't do that and you can't think that's your fault!"

Ethan took his glasses off and wiped his eyes. "Cal's outside. He has an elbow injury: dislocation and possible fracture. He tried to stop Honey from leaving, but she pushed him over. She must have been terrified to be grabbed by a man like that, even one she knew. I need to get my car keys and look for her."

"No, Ethan, you don't!" Zoe's voice was forceful and he looked at her, surprised.

"I need to find her. I'm the one who let her go!"

"Ethan, didn't you listen to a word I've just… no. Never mind that," said Zoe. "Ethan, if you're really concerned about Honey, you could call the police, but it's ultimately her choice whether she has the examination and in a day or two, she might feel differently."

"But it happened three days ago!" Ethan's tears were falling now. "If she doesn't have it done tonight, there's less chance of finding evidence. It's my fault! I must have done something to upset her. And because I did that, Cal's injured too… I've got to go."

"Ethan!" Zoe put her arms around him and held him tightly as he sobbed. "Ethan, you're in no condition to go looking for anyone. Don't worry. I'm going to sort this out. I'll find someone to sit in the staff room with you, then I'll go and see to Cal. I know you're concerned about Honey. So am I. But she is an adult and although she must be very distressed, she is capable of making a decision for herself. There's also a chance she might come back. Even if she really doesn't want the examination, she might come back to see Noel."

"But what if she doesn't?" wept Ethan.

"Okay. I'll get someone to call the police and ask for a female police officer to look for Honey," said Zoe. "That's all I can do – because that's all my job is. Actually, it's more than my job. I know sometimes you want to do more. _I_ want to do more. But we're doctors in an ED and we can only deal with what's put in front of us." She gently pushed him away from her, still holding his arms. "And at the moment, I don't want you dealing with anything. Okay? You've done too much and you've had enough and that's fine. We all reach our limits sometimes. So you'll go and wait for me in the staff room?"

Ethan was still crying. "But it's my fault, Zoe. I should be the one who puts it right."

"Ethan, it's not your fault," said Zoe. "What Honey does is out of your control. It's out of every doctor's control. Now." She looked around. "Lofty? Can you come here for a second, please? Ethan's had a very distressing experience. Would you make him some tea and sit with him in the staff room till I come back?"

Lofty glanced at Ethan and looked very concerned. "Of course, Zoe. Come on, Ethan. Come with me."

* * *

Cal had managed to get himself onto the bench, realising that it wouldn't help him to sit on the cold ground, but he didn't think he could face walking into the ED. He was worried at first that Ethan hadn't come out again, but he soon realised it wasn't Ethan's job to go chasing after Honey and he'd probably either got caught up in his real job or called the police.

Cal just hoped Ethan hadn't forgotten about him. He was in a lot of pain and the elbow, which was almost completely immoveable, was now badly swollen. He was starting to think he might have fractured the humerus as well as dislocating the elbow.

He was also stressing about what had caused him to fall. Honey was small and he doubted she was that strong, but she'd still managed to push him over. It was possible he had just been off-balance, but what if this was a sign of clumsiness or a lack of muscular control?

He still hoped it was him rather than Ethan who had Huntington's, but Cal didn't want to get the symptoms yet. He wanted as much time with Ethan as he could get before he had to leave. Especially now when Ethan had problems of his own.

"Cal?"

He looked up at the sound of his name and tried to turn, but he realised he must have accidentally tried to move his elbow as a fresh wave of pain shot through it and he cried out.

"Cal." It was Zoe's voice, accompanied by the tapping of heels. "Ethan said you were hurt. What's happened?"

"Dislocated elbow and possible humerus fracture," said Cal through gritted teeth.

"Okay: let me see." Zoe was as gentle as anyone could be, but it did hurt. Zee put some padding over the elbow and secured his arm to his body with bandages. "This might be a waste of time as I'm hoping you'll be seen quickly, but you never know in this place. Okay, do you think you can walk? I'll help you."

"I'm fine," said Cal, but he still felt shaky and weak from the pain and was grateful for Zoe's support as they walked back to the hospital. "Wait. Ethan. Is he okay? He didn't come back out."

"I told Ethan to have a break. It was past time," said Zoe. "I've notified the police about Honey: it's not really Ethan's job to deal with that."

"What happened to her?" said Cal. "I'm guessing there's more to this than freaking out over Noel."

Zoe hesitated. "Cal, you know I can't gossip about the patients. If she was still Ethan's girlfriend, then maybe I'd have made an exception, but she's not. Let's get you inside and book you in and I'm sure you and Ethan will be able to have a chat later."

She sounded almost completely normal and if she seemed slightly more worried than usual, that could be attributed to the situation with Honey. But Cal couldn't forget how upset Ethan had been earlier. "Ethan… he's okay, isn't he?"

"Well, he's exhausted and he's been pushing himself far too hard lately," said Zoe, "but that's hopefully nothing a couple of days off won't fix." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Don't worry, Cal. We'll look after both of you."


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm sorry I haven't updated this for ages. I really need to finish a few stories so I don't have so many on the go at once, but hardly any of them are close to ending._

 **EDSidekick** , that's a really good point about Cal needing Ethan to care for him and the ED being a doctor down while he recovers - I hadn't thought of that! I agree it will take more than a few kind words to reassure Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , don't worry. It's really kind of you to read any of my fics, so I can't expect you to keep up with them all! The different storylines are a challenge (perhaps Honey was kept out of the episodes to prevent this complicated situation from arising!), but it's good to know the strands of the plot are working together rather than against each other. Thank you for your reviews.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it. Cal is getting his elbow sorted out right about now...

 **20BlueRoses** , I wasn't sure if Cal would be understanding or not, but I couldn't cope with another complication! And it is good to write about them actually being nice to each other, even if they're still keeping their secrets. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I hope someone can convince Ethan it's not his fault, but I don't want it to be unrealistic, so I'm not sure if I can make it better before the end of the story. I'll have to see what I can do! None of us want to see Ethan sad.

* * *

Zoe cut Cal's sleeve as carefully as she could. She'd already administered pain relief, but either it hadn't been enough it hadn't taken full effect: Cal couldn't help whimpering slightly. He felt glad it was Zoe and not Connie, Dylan or Lily, who might have made some sort of sarcastic comment. Even Ethan might have said something, though in Cal's view, a sarcastic Ethan could actually be a lot less humiliating than a sympathetic one. Cal really didn't like Ethan to see his weaknesses.

It was unfortunate, really, that he had so many.

"I'm sorry," said Zoe. "I'll stop for a bit. Maybe the pain relief isn't working yet."

"No!" said Cal, who didn't want Zoe seeing his weaknesses either. "I'm fine. Look, are you sure Ethan's okay?"

Zoe hesitated. "As I told you, he's completely exhausted, mentally as well as physically. He's had a lot of difficult cases and sometimes it does take its toll."

Cal sighed. "And meeting up with his ex didn't help matters."

"Do you think Ethan still has feelings for Honey?" asked Zoe, a note of concern coming into her voice. She seemed to have given up all interest in removing Cal's shirt now. That didn't happen to women very often in Cal's experience.

He moved his arm slightly to see if the pain relief had kicked in yet, but it hadn't and he couldn't help hissing with pain. "Um…" Cal took a moment before replying. "I really don't know. I would have said no, but when someone comes back into your life, someone who's been a significant part of it, it can really knock you for six even if you don't have feelings for them anymore. Sometimes the feelings seem to start up all over again. You think they're real: you felt exactly as you did before so it's impossible they're not real. But then she goes away and you realise she's nothing and you're over her and all that matters is the little tiny baby she-" Cal stopped. He hadn't meant to talk about Matilda.

Zoe nodded and smiled reassuringly. "So it might be similar for Ethan."

"Yes, it might be," said Cal. "And when you consider there's obviously something wrong with Honey: something she needs medical help with…" He looked curiously at Zoe, noticing she'd broken eye contact at his mention of Honey's name. "Zoe, _is_ there something wrong with her? Something bad, I mean?" He had an even worse thought. "Something that could affect _Ethan_?"

"You know I can't discuss it with you," said Zoe, too quickly. "If you want to know, maybe you should ask Ethan. Now let's get this arm sorted."

Cal nodded. "Go ahead." He still didn't think the pain relief was working, but if there was something wrong with Ethan, he needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. _Oh God, don't let Ethan have to go through that again._

"Okay." Zoe supported Cal's elbow as she carefully cut the sleeve. Then Zoe's hands stilled, a frown crossing her face. "I thought you said you'd had no medical attention since the crash."

"I haven't," said Cal.

"Then why did you have a blood test?" said Zoe.

Her words shocked Cal so much, he thought for a moment the bed had started rocking.

How could he have been so stupid? He must have forgotten to remove the dressing after his blood test. Of course, he had been distracted by Honey's arrival and the possible effect on Ethan, but now Zoe had seen the dressing and she'd want to know what it was for. She had to ask, just in case it impacted on his injury in some way.

He thought for a panicked moment of telling Zoe it was a cut he'd dressed himself, but then she'd want to know why the dressing looked like that of a blood test and she'd probably want to examine the 'injury' to see if a longer-lasting dressing was needed.

He thought about telling Zoe he'd given blood, but Zoe had been at the hospital all day and she would know there had been no blood donor session.

"Cal?" said Zoe. She didn't look so much confused as worried. "Who authorised this blood test?"

"Ethan!" said Cal, the ready lie coming to his lips, but he realised immediately that this was the worst thing he could have said. Now Zoe would ask Ethan about it! Cal groaned, and not with pain this time. Why did he always mess everything up? "No. Not Ethan. I mean Charlie."

Zoe's eyes narrowed. "I know it's been a long day for you, Cal, but I'd have thought you'd know the difference between your little brother and a nurse who's old enough to retire."

"I… I mean Charlie. I'm just worried about Ethan. That's the only reason why I said his name."

"Come on. I want the truth, please, Cal," said Zoe. "If you don't tell me, you know I can find it out for myself. All I need to do is look at your online file."

"No, you can't!" said Cal. "It's confidential! You have no right to look."

"On the contrary," said Zoe. "I am your doctor, treating you for an injury, and I have every right to look at your file. To look at _everything_ in your file, especially at anything that's too recent to have been included in the paper version."

Cal buried his head in his uninjured hand. "Please, Zoe. Please don't look. It was stupid of me. I never should have done it."

"What exactly have you done, Cal?" asked Zoe quietly.

* * *

Lofty sat beside Ethan, a worried frown on his face as Ethan unsuccessfully tried to stop crying. "You don't have to tell me anything, Ethan. But anything you do tell me is confidential. Unless I have reason to fear for the safety of you or another person, I won't tell anyone anything."

Ethan sniffed. "I can't tell you, Lofty. I'd be breaking confidentiality."

"You're allowed to discuss any case you're worried about with a colleague," said Lofty gently. "And since I arranged the cubicle for you, I'm involved already."

"I can't," said Ethan, as more tears poured down his cheeks. It was more than the confidentiality issue, of course. He couldn't bring himself to tell Lofty that he'd failed a patient again. He'd _lost_ a patient again. A very vulnerable patient who potentially could harm someone else as she'd harmed Cal if she felt sufficiently threatened. Cal had suffered no more than a dislocated elbow and possible humerus fracture; the next person might not be so lucky.

And it would be Ethan's fault.

Lofty gave him another tissue. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but it might help to tell someone. I'm worried about you, Ethan. Whatever this is, I don't like to think of you going through this on your own."

Ethan wiped his nose. "I'm not. Zoe knows. She knows everything. So it's okay."

"Okay," said Lofty, though his relief was only slight. "I'm sure she'll be back soon, Ethan. Or she might come and check on you while Cal's having his x-ray."

"Maybe," said Ethan. He started to dab at the tears on his cheeks, but then another wave of misery overcame him.

It didn't matter if Zoe came back or not. There was nothing she could do. There was nothing anyone could do. Ethan was a bad doctor and no-one could change that.

"Maybe I can't do this anymore," he sobbed.

Lofty exclaimed in concern and put his arms around Ethan. Ethan tensed: he wasn't a particular fan of hugs, though he'd been grateful for Zoe's earlier, but he didn't have the strength to object.

"It's going to be okay, Ethan," said Lofty, as he stroked Ethan's back. "It's a difficult job. Sometimes it does get too much. But you'll get over it and soon you'll be ready to go again."

"But what if I don't?" whispered Ethan. It was easier, somehow, when he couldn't see Lofty's face.

"You will," said Lofty. "And if you're struggling, you can always talk to someone about it. Like Ben Harding. He really helped Dylan."

"What would you do," wept Ethan, "if a patient told you something terrible. You knew she needed help. But then you left her alone in the cubicle and she… left?"

Lofty's voice was gentle. "I would feel guilty, of course. Anyone would. But ultimately, it's the patient's decision to leave. So I'd put it aside and get on with my job and then maybe later, I'd think about it or talk to someone I trust, like Dylan. If the guilt was still a problem, I'd consider getting professional help. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but that's what I'd try to do because no matter how I'm feeling, unless I did something really unprofessional, it wouldn't be my fault and though I will always try to learn from any mistakes I make, I know it wouldn't be good for me to blame myself."

Ethan sat up and wiped his eyes again. "I'm sorry, Lofty. I know I shouldn't be letting it affect me like this."

"You can't help it," said Lofty. "That's what this job is like. Sometimes it just hits you. Especially when you've had a lot of things go wrong for you one after the other."

"Maybe I'm just not cut out to do this job," whispered Ethan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , my impression is that having a dislocation reduced is more painful than dislocating it in the first place! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked Zoe finding the blood test - I thought of it at the last minute and I hoped it would make their scene more interesting. I'm sure Cal would love you to nurse him back to health!

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review. I don't know why I like making Cal and Ethan suffer all the time, but I think it's a common affliction in fanfic writers!

 **Tanith Panic** , I had to put Lofty in it! Robyn's always sweet and kind, but Lofty really seems to understand. Lofty's good at hugs too. Even Dylan's never actually pushed him away. There's definitely no shame in man whimpering. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I'm glad you like the blood test twist - I like to keep the pressure on Cal! I think Zoe would definitely like some sort of explanation. Honey definitely needs to come back to the ED... but not quite yet. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , it will be difficult for Cal to wriggle out of this one - but he wouldn't be Cal if he didn't try! Ethan does need something to go right... it won't solve everything, but it might give him a bit of hope. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Curious Rebel** and **Jynx999** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Cal fought to control his panic. He'd been stupid – very stupid – but he could get out of this. "We had a patient in earlier. A little boy. He was scared of having bloods taken so I said I'd do it first so he wouldn't be scared."

"What a coincidence!" said Zoe. "Because exactly the same thing happened to Ethan today."

"Oh, really?" Cal laughed nervously.

Zoe's eyes hardened. "Caleb, I don't know what kind of mess you've got into this time, but you need to tell me. Now."

Cal felt his bravado melting away. He couldn't even look at Zoe now. "I can't," he said.

"Would you rather tell Connie instead? If so, I can fetch her right now."

Cal closed his eyes. He knew Zoe was perfectly capable of going to Connie and telling her everything – and even if she didn't, there was nothing to stop her from checking his online file and finding out why he'd really had a blood test done. "Okay. I can't tell you the full story because if I tell anyone, it should be Ethan. But I'll tell you some of it."

Zoe considered, then nodded. "Okay. That will do to start with."

Cal sighed and pushed his hands through his hair as he wondered where to start. "I found out something about my mum recently. About her health. She had a health condition – and it's hereditary. I wanted to tell Ethan, but I was scared. I didn't want to spring something like that on him. So I tried to pick my moment, but because he's been so upset recently, the right moment never came."

There was understanding on Zoe's face. "The right moment never comes – and then, all of a sudden, it's too late and then you lose the person you love most in the world."

"That's it exactly," said Cal. "And I can't bear to lose Ethan, Zoe. He's all I've got." He paused. "Well, we do have… other relatives, but me and Ethan…"

"I know," said Zoe. "I always knew you didn't hate each other really."

"I 'don't hate him' so much," said Cal.

Zoe smiled. "I can see that. So, tell me about the test."

"I decided I'd get it done," said Cal. "Then I started thinking maybe I could persuade Ethan to give me some blood too. Then I could send them off and maybe Ethan's would be negative and then I wouldn't have to tell him anything. That little kid - who Ethan scared, by the way - seemed like the perfect solution."

"But even if Ethan's test came out negative, how would you explain it if yours came out positive?" said Zoe. "Ethan's a doctor. He's going to know the condition is hereditary. He'll know he could have it too. He's going to want to know why you didn't tell him – and how you found out in the first place."

Cal sighed. "I know, Zoe! I just don't know what to do. I got the text a while ago saying the results were in, but I haven't looked at them. I _can't_ look at them. I was just going to ignore them and hope they went away, but you're right. The results will be available to anyone who looks at my file. Or… or Ethan's." He buried his face in his hands.

"Well, the simplest thing to do is to tell him tonight, before anyone checks his file and mentions it," said Zoe.

"I don't know if I can do that," said Cal into his hands. "I know I'm a coward, but I don't think it's just that." He lifted his head. "Ethan really is going through so much stress at the moment. The situation with Honey can't be helping."

"No, it definitely isn't," said Zoe.

"So to spring this on him tonight…" Cal made a sound of frustration. "I know I'm doing it again. Making excuses not to tell him. But I don't want to push him over the edge, Zoe. He's so close to the edge already."

Zoe looked worried. "If he's not over the edge already. No, I think you're right this time, Cal. You can't tell him tonight."

"But what can I do?" said Cal "If I don't tell him, those test results are out there."

Zoe thought for a moment. "Okay. First, I need to finish treating your injury, but when that's done, we'll deal with it. Okay?"

"Okay," said Cal nervously.

He hoped he hadn't made a mistake in confiding in Zoe... but given the choice between her and Connie, he didn't see what else he could have done.

* * *

Ethan knew he should feel embarrassed. He knew he should feel very angry with himself for being so weak. But he didn't feel either of those things. He just felt desperate and distraught and he could only see one way out. "I can't do this anymore," he sobbed into Lofty's shoulder. "I just can't."

"I don't think you should do anything more tonight," said Lofty. "You need to go home and get some rest. Maybe take a couple of days off. But you're a good doctor, Ethan. You've just been really unlucky. You've had some really tough cases really close together."

"I know," sniffled Ethan. "But no matter how tough they are, I need to deal with these situations and I… I didn't."

He felt Lofty's hand moving in circles on his back. "It's not always in the doctor's control. So much depends on the patient. The doctor can suggest and advise a treatment, but unless the patient agrees to it, you're stuck."

"Yes, but another doctor might have persuaded them," said Ethan. "I don't believe it's always that a patient is too afraid or too stubborn to accept treatment. It's that the doctor wasn't able to gain their trust. The doctor frightened them when they needed support. I think that's what I do, Lofty. I frighten people away."

"Ethan, that's not true!" Lofty held him more tightly. "I know how easy it is to look at what went wrong. That kind of thing is always going to stand out, but if you just look at that, you don't get the whole picture. Look at everything you did right, Ethan. Most things go right. Most people are helped."

"No: we need to help _everyone_!" cried Ethan.

Lofty's voice was gentle. "I wish we could, Ethan, but you know that's not possible."

Ethan spoke through another burst of tears. "Then I don't want to do this job anymore, Lofty. I quit."

* * *

"How does it feel?" said Zoe.

Cal looked down at the fibreglass splint that encased his arm from below his fingers almost to his shoulder. "It's not actually the height of fashion, but it'll do…"

To his relief, the x-ray had shown there was no fracture to his humerus, but the dislocated elbow still had to be reduced. Zoe had been as gentle as she could, using a version of a technique Alicia had used for the reduction of a dislocated shoulder, and she'd given Cal lots of pain relief, but he'd still screamed and whimpered a bit. Zoe had promised not to tell anyone.

Once the elbow was back in place, Cal had gone for another x-ray. Both he and Zoe were satisfied with the position of the elbow, so the splint had been put on, holding Cal's arm in an L-shape.

"it'll make you look like a hero," Zoe assured him. "The girls will love it."

This normally would have made Cal feel better, but he felt like anything but a hero now. A hero would never have tricked his brother. A hero would have been honest with him from the start.

"Okay, I'll just put a sling on and then you'll be good to go," said Zoe.

She tied the sling carefully, matching its position to the splint, then she stepped back to admire her handiwork.

"How does that feel, Cal?"

"I have felt better," admitted Cal. "But I've also felt worse. Thanks, Zoe."

"You're welcome… I think!" said Zoe, laughing.

Then their eyes met and their expressions simultaneously became serious.

"So what now?" said Cal.


	10. Chapter 10

**tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm not sure what I'd do on that situation either. My sister would probably think I'd either misinterpreted something or that I was making it up to hurt her - which seems to be what Ethan thinks, or at least what he's trying to convince himself. When the truth is that devastating, any other explanation is preferable. It is sad when Ethan suffers. He does so much good, but he can't see it. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I'm glad you like Cal telling Zoe - I thought it might be interesting to change a couple of things. Maybe Zoe and Charlie together can achieve what Charlie can't do alone. Ethan and Lofty... that really would be a twist! Okay: you look after Cal and I'll have Ethan! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , Ethan won't be happy that Zoe knew some of it before him, but I don't think Cal could get out of it! I'm still not sure whether to include Cal's confession or not... it's become a lot more important to this story than I expected it to. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" said Zoe, her hand poised over the mouse.

Cal looked at the computer screen. On it was the online record of his file, complete with the most recent entry: the results of a blood test. That was all they could see, but even just looking at it made Cal feel dizzy. All Zoe had to do was to click on it and he'd know.

He'd know how much of a future he really had.

"Delete it, Zoe," he said.

Zoe hovered the cursor over the record and right-clicked. A menu appeared. One of the options was delete. "You are completely sure?"

"Do it," said Cal. It did cross his mind that he was being cowardly again, but he also knew this wasn't the right way to find out. He and Ethan needed to do this together.

Though how Cal was going to tell Ethan, he still didn't know.

Zoe deleted the record. The screen bobbled as all the previous records jumped up one position in the queue. The most recent entry now related to his car crash.

Cal turned his face away. He didn't want to think about that. He didn't know what hurt him the most: losing the people he'd fought so hard to save or the way he'd felt when Ethan had held him in his arms and promised he wasn't alone… only for Cal to realise he was.

"Now Ethan's?" said Cal, hoping Zoe wouldn't change her mind. The prospect of Ethan finding out accidentally was so much worse. If he wanted to protect Ethan, which was all he'd ever wanted, he'd need to ensure he couldn't find out like this.

He saw doubt cross Zoe's face. She fumbled the mouse slightly as she searched for Ethan's records. As before, the latest record was a blood test.

Cal looked at it for a moment. This was all he had wanted. To know the result. If it came out clear, he'd know Ethan was safe and perhaps he'd never need to know there was a chance he might have had Huntington's.

But Cal pushed the thought aside. Short-term, it was the easy option. Long-term, Ethan was the one who would suffer. It was all too easy to brush something under the carpet, but every so often, carpets were lifted up and shaken and you never knew what might drop out.

If Cal had Huntington's, he wouldn't be able to hide it from Ethan. Not unless Cal really was prepared to leave his brother and never see him again – and just the thought of this made Cal's breath catch. He had to be honest with him.

Even if Ethan's test was negative, nothing would be easy. Nothing would be the same.

And what if Ethan's test result was positive? What would Cal do then?

"Delete it, Zoe," said Cal. "The bloods were sent off without his consent. We can't let him find out by accident – and we have no right to look."

"We have no right to delete it either," murmured Zoe. "I could lose my job over this, Cal. We both could. It's one thing to delete one of your records with your permission; to delete Ethan's too..."

Cal squeezed his eyes shut. She couldn't back out now. Then he realised there was a solution. "Let me do it."

"Cal, I don't know…"

"What's the alternative?" said Cal. "Leave him to find out? Even if it's negative, he's going to want to know why I decided to test him for it."

Zoe lifted her hand from the mouse. Her hands twisted together for a moment, but then she nodded and moved her chair back.

Cal reached for the mouse and hit the button.

The wrong button.

* * *

Lofty put a cup of tea in front of Ethan. "There. Drink that."

"Thank you," said Ethan, but he made no move to take it. He dabbed his eyes again, put his glasses on, and stared at the liquid still swirling around in the cup. "I do mean it, Lofty," he said quietly. "About quitting."

"I know you do," said Lofty gently. "All I'm saying is don't do anything too final. You can make the decision in your own mind. You can discuss it with other people. You can even draft out a resignation letter. All I'm asking is: please don't hand your notice in till you've spent a few days thinking about it. You know what it's like sometimes, Ethan. Things can get on top of you and it seems like there's no way out, but then it passes. Make sure this isn't another of those times before you do something you could regret."

Ethan could appreciate his point. Lofty was quite right that most people in the ED had days where they felt like they'd had enough and Ethan wasn't usually one to make hasty decisions – except, of course, when the nature of his job demanded it. He knew that leaving his job was a big decision, especially when he had no idea what else he could do. He'd only ever thought of being a doctor.

But he'd proved, repeatedly, that he wasn't suited to working in an ED. He made too many mistakes. He'd left three patients alone at crucial moments and they'd all run off. One had tried to kill three people. One had killed himself. Honey… he didn't know, but she was vulnerable, afraid and alone. She could be in danger – and there was nothing Ethan could do because he'd let her go.

He could have looked for her before, but he knew it was too late now. She could be anywhere. The police were supposed to be looking for her, but too much time had passed and she could have left Holby by now. She could be anywhere between here and wherever she was living. And if they did find her, what would happen? Honey probably wouldn't feel any more able to accept help from the police than she had from Ethan. She would probably say she was fine; that she had no idea why Dr Zoe Hanna would send the police out looking for her. And then the police might have to let her go.

She'd trusted Ethan, and he'd let her down – and lost her.

Worse still, Noel had lost her too.

Noel was lying in the hospital bed, wanting desperately to see his daughter, and Ethan had frightened her away.

"Hey, don't give up yet," said Lofty, as Ethan's eyes welled with tears again. "You've got through the most impossible things before. You can do it again, Ethan. And you will."

Ethan knew he should go home. He should stop wasting Lofty's time. But he didn't move. He kept staring into his cup of tea as though that might have tha answers. Honey would probably say it did, but Ethan couldn't read tea leaves any more than Honey could read his medical books. "I've got to get her back, Lofty."

"Who?" said Lofty, clearly confused. "You mean Honey? Ethan, I know she's very… sweet, but are you sure this is the best time to think about getting into a relationship? Your head's all over the place and no wonder."

"What?" Ethan didn't understand for a moment. "No. I don't mean that. I don't want her back in that way. I don't think she's my type and I'm certainly not hers. But she's my friend and my patient and I've been a bad friend and doctor. I'm the reason she's not with Noel now when he needs her, and I've got to be the person who puts it right." He looked helplessly at Lofty. "I just don't know how."

Lofty handed Ethan his tea and sat silently, clearly thinking. "You haven't got a phone number for her, then?"

"Cal deleted it," confessed Ethan. "I texted her a couple of times asking if we could try again; that I'd try harder; that I'd try to change. She quite rightly didn't reply, but when Cal found out what I was doing, he took my phone away and deleted her number. I was annoyed with him at the time, but it was the right thing to do. It was over and I needed to accept that."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I've still got her number," said Lofty. He went to get his phone and searched through for Honey's number. "Here it is." He pressed the call button and waited. "It's ringing."

Ethan found he was sitting up straight, his eyes fixed on Lofty.

"Careful: you'll spill your tea," said Lofty.

Ethan looked down to see he was holding the cup at an angle. He quickly put it back down on the table.

The look of hope on Lofty's face faded. "Sorry," he said, lowering the phone. "She rejected the call. But you could try from your phone."

"No point," sighed Ethan. If Honey didn't want to speak to Lofty, who'd done nothing to hurt her, she would hardly accept a call from Ethan. He closed his eyes. He could almost hear the sound of his hopes shattering on the staff room floor. "Honey wouldn't listen to me. I was the only person she trusted and I messed up. Again."


	11. Chapter 11

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - yes, Cal has made a slight mistake there!

 **tracys dream** , yes - the wrong button. He could be about to get a shock. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , the next bit about Cal was originally in the last chapter, but I decided to be mean and make you wait. I just hope it's worth the wait after all that! I'm glad you found the bit about Cal deleting Honey's number from Ethan's phone realistic - I was worried it wasn't! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I wouldn't like a brother like Cal. That would be awkward considering how much I want to kiss him! But I think a brother like Cal - and a friend like Lofty - are just what Ethan need. I'm glad this is a new idea, but Casualty, as always, must take most of the credit! I'd never have thought of hurting Noel. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I hope the fallout doesn't disappoint you. I think you're right about Honey, but convincing Ethan is another matter! Ethan and Lofty do discuss it in this chapter.

* * *

Cal couldn't look away from the screen. He couldn't believe it. It wasn't true. Life didn't work like this.

"Cal?" Zoe touched him lightly on the arm. "Have you read it?"

"Only about a million times," said Cal, still unable to tear his eyes away. He read the words over and over again. He had the feeling that if he read them enough times, he'd discover they actually said something else.

"Sorry," said Zoe. "Your eyes looked a bit glazed over. I wondered…"

"Oh, no. I saw it," said Cal. For a few more moments, all he could do was stare, but gradually, movement returned to his body. He lifted his arm and took hold of the mouse again, this time clicking the correct button. He deleted the entry and then sat back, shaking his head in disbelief. "What are the chances, Zoe? What are the chances?"

Zoe shook her head. "I have no idea."

"Do you think my results said the same?" said Cal.

"Possibly," said Zoe. "You were probably quite stressed when you did the tests, so it's not unlikely you did do something wrong. Especially if you were carrying the bloods around with you and couldn't send them off to the lab straight away. But bloods do sometimes get contaminated in the labs, so maybe that's what happened."

Cal breathed out and then dropped his head into his hands. He didn't know if he felt relieved or not. It would lessen the amount of explanation he had to give Ethan, but it left him in the same position as before: not knowing. "So what now, Zoe?"

"I'd have thought that was obvious," said Zoe.

"Tell Ethan?" said Cal into his hands. "Now?"

Zoe shook his head. "No, not now. If he's half as upset as he was when I sent him to the staff room with Lofty, it's completely the wrong time to break news like this. You've put it off this long: you can wait another day or two till he's in a calmer frame of mind. But think about it, Cal. We've deleted everything about the blood test. The labs will never chase you up for a second sample: they've got better things to do. To all intents and purposes, this didn't happen."

Cal looked at her blankly. "That's… good, isn't it?"

"It's very good," said Zoe. "But it's more than that, Cal. You meant well when you did the blood test – I believe you meant well all along. You wanted to protect your brother. You wanted to ensure he faced as little hurt as possible."

Cal nodded. "All I ever wanted to do was protect him."

Zoe touched Cal's hand. "But you know you went about it in the wrong way, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do," said Cal at once. "I did it in completely the wrong way. I should have told him what I knew, as soon as I knew it. It's still going to be difficult, but admitting or accidentally letting slip that I knew whether or not he had this condition before he even knew he was at risk of it… that would have been one more reason for him to feel hurt."

Zoe nodded. "And you don't want to hurt Ethan at a time when you're really going to need each other."

Cal knew it wasn't that simple. Zoe didn't know the whole story. She didn't know the 'mum' he mentioned was someone Ethan didn't know existed. But basically, she was right. Knowing the results of the test before Ethan knew there was any need for the tests to be made would only increase the chances of Ethan never being able to forgive him.

The fact he'd taken the bloods, while much less upsetting than the other secrets on an emotional level, also had legal and ethical implications. A doctor couldn't test for something this serious without discussing it with the patient first – not as long as the patient was capable of making the decision. Ethan's consent had technically been voluntary because he'd agreed to have the blood taken, but it wasn't informed consent because he hadn't known what Cal was going to do with the blood sample.

"So, you get a 'get out of jail free' card," said Zoe. "This is your chance to get it right; to tell Ethan the truth." She leaned forward slightly, her eyes on Cal's. "Don't waste it, Cal."

"I won't," said Cal. He said the words to Zoe, but they were for himself and Ethan as well. No more sneaking around. Nu cutting corners. He would forget about taking the bloods, but he'd tell Ethan the full truth about their adoption and their mother's condition. If Ethan hated him, he would just have to deal with that.

"But for now, Ethan needs you to support him in another way," said Zoe.

"In what way?" said Cal helplessly. "You said it was obvious, Zoe. But I don't know. I don't know anything."

Zoe gently took Cal's hands away from his face. "Cal, I know you've been going through a terrible time recently. First Matilda… then this. But as you know, Ethan has really been struggling too. He's had to cope with a lot of difficult cases recently and it's getting on top of him. He's really struggling and he needs his big brother. I've told him that nothing that has happened is his fault – but maybe he needs to hear it from his big brother too. He needs to know he's got your support, Cal. He needs to know he's not alone."

Cal knew how bad it was when you felt as though you were alone. He got to his feet. "I'll tell him. I'll go and tell him now. Thanks, Zoe."

"And if you can, persuade him to go home," said Zoe. "I couldn't let him near a patient in his current condition. Take him home… let him sleep… we'll see how he copes over the next couple of days. It's a tough job, Cal, and we all go through times when we need support. Now it's Ethan's turn."

* * *

Ethan shook his head. "Why would she want to speak to me if she didn't want to speak to you?"

"Because you're the one she trusts," said Lofty. "You're the one who knows everything."

"She wouldn't trust me now," said Ethan sadly. "I must have done something wrong or why would she have left?"

"We don't know," said Lofty. "But we also don't know for definite that she wouldn't want to speak to you if you phoned. All we know is that she doesn't want to talk to me – and that's not really surprising. I don't know what she's going through and I hardly know her ."

Ethan nodded; he couldn't argue with this.

"It's got to be worth a try, Ethan," said Lofty. "If she rejects your call, you haven't lost anything. But if she speaks to you, at least you might get more idea of what's going on in her head. Don't you think it's worth a try?" Lofty's kind eyes searched Ethan's face. "Or is there some reason why you know that wouldn't work? You don't have to tell me what it is."

Ethan looked down at his phone. He knew Lofty had a point. This was very important and it was worth a try, but there was one thing Lofty hadn't considered.

Ethan was afraid.

"Ethan?" said Lofty. He touched Ethan's shoulder. "I said you didn't have to tell me and that's true. You don't. But if you want to talk, I'm here. Or if there's anyone else you'd like to talk to, like Zoe or Cal, I can go and get them for you."

Ethan's eyes met Lofty's in relief. He should have known really. Lofty was naturally understanding. He just 'got' things in a way that most people couldn't. Lofty wasn't the most intelligent in terms of intellectual ability, though Ethan would put him at above average, but when it came to emotional intelligence and empathy, Lofty could put them all to shame. Robyn was caring, kind and sympathetic, but Lofty actually saw what was going on inside your head.

"I think I need to discuss this with Zoe," said Ethan. "She's the only other person who knows what's going on and for confidentiality reasons, I can't tell anyone else."

Lofty nodded. "Of course. I'll go and find Zoe whenever you're ready."

"The problem is, that whatever I say to Honey, I'll have one chance at most," said Ethan. "So I've got to say the right thing. If I say the wrong thing, it might stop Honey from getting treatment at all and that could be really dangerous. I think I should discuss it with Zoe before saying anything."

"Would you like me to go and find her now?" said Lofty.

Ethan nodded. "Yes, please, Lofty. If you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind, Ethan." Lofty smiled, patted Ethan's arm and walked as far as the door. Then he stopped, looking back at Ethan. "Ethan. You have a visitor."


	12. Chapter 12

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , that's an interesting idea - it really would put the cat among the pigeons if Emilie showed up! Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

 **EDSidekick** , I was trying to make Cal and Ethan suffer, not you, but it is difficult not to get involved sometimes when those two start suffering! I thought it would just cause more complications if Cal knew either of the results - and the Casualty writers presumably agree as we haven't heard any more about it! I'm happy you like the way I've written Lofty. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it's not really a 'get out of jail free' card at all - it just seems that way to Zoe, who doesn't know about the adoption! I love Zoe's kind side, but we haven't seen much of it lately. Lofty is amazing! Thank you for your review.

 **TheWiinterSoldier** , I remember when I first discovered Casualty fanfiction, I think last April - I was so excited! There are lots of great writers on here who enjoy making Ethan suffer, as I expect you've already discovered! Thank you for your review - I'm so happy you like my story.

 **20BlueRoses** , I agree Cal and Ethan need to find out the results together, but I couldn't resist scaring Cal a little bit. I love that some of you are guessing who Ethan's visitor might be - you'll find out very soon! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **TheWiinterSoldier** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Cal entered the staff room slowly. His elbow was still slightly painful and he felt exhausted and wrung-out, but he thought that Ethan was probably feeling a lot worse.

The situation was far more complicated than Zoe knew, but basically, she was right. Ethan needed his brother. Everything else could wait until the Honey problem was sorted out.

Cal didn't know what kind of a state he was expecting Ethan to be in, but it still shocked him when he saw him. Ethan had his glasses on, but they didn't disguise his red, swollen eyes. His nose was a little bit red too and he was still holding a tissue, though he seemed to have stopped crying.

"Cal!" said Ethan when he saw him. His lip wobbled, but only for a moment. He stood up and quickly came to Cal's side. "Come and sit down. How are you feeling?"

 _Guilty_ , thought Cal, as Ethan led him to the sofa and helped him to sit down, aware that Ethan was looking after him again, having slipped into that role so naturally, Cal almost hadn't noticed.

Ethan handed him a mug of tea from the table. "Drink this." He nodded towards Cal's arm. "Is it fractured?"

"No, it was just a dislocation," said Cal. He sipped the tea, which was warm but not hot. He guessed Lofty must have made it for Ethan. He put it back down on the table. "I'm fine, Ethan. It's you I'm worried about."

Ethan looked unflatteringly surprised. "I couldn't be better. I'm glad it's not broken."

Lofty, who was standing in the doorway, moved from one to foot to the other and cleared his throat. "Do you still want me to go and find Zoe?"

"No," said Cal quickly. "Thanks. I can deal with this."

Ethan glared at him before turning to Lofty. "Thank you, Lofty, but I'll speak to her later. Thanks for staying with me. It helped."

Lofty smiled. "You're welcome, Ethan." He paused. "You really should tell him, you know."

"Tell me what?" said Cal, when Lofty had gone.

"I… it doesn't matter," said Ethan. "You should probably go home, Cal. I'll take you now if you like."

Cal shook his head and reached for Ethan's hand. "Ethan, you say it's me who runs away and buries my head in the sand and you're right. I do. But I'm not the only one. There's obviously something serious wrong with Honey and I've got a pretty good idea of what it is – and if I'm right, it affects you too." He let go of Ethan's hand and put his arm around him. "But whatever happens, I'm here. I'm going to support you. I'm going to help you sort this out."

"No-one can sort it out," whispered Ethan. He tore his glasses from his face and buried his face in his hands.

Cal felt Ethan's shoulders shaking and held him more tightly. He wished he could hug Ethan properly, but his other arm would be pretty much useless till the splint was off. "Come on, Nibbles. Tell me."

Ethan shook his head. "I'd be breaking confidentiality."

"I'm a doctor," said Cal. "You're allowed to speak to other doctors to ask for advice."

Ethan sat up and wiped his eyes. "I was going to talk to Zoe. She knows already."

Cal ignored a feeling of hurt. After all, he had never done much to suggest that he could be relied-upon. "Ethan, has Honey been raped?"

"What?" said Ethan, startled. "How do you know… not that I'm confirming…"

"You prioritised her over me," said Cal gently. "She didn't seem to be suffering from a life-threatening illness - though it's not always obvious, of course - but it clearly was something serious if you wanted to go chasing after her." He squeezed Ethan's shoulder. "And obviously, as she's come to see you rather than going to her local hospital… well, she did that for a reason, didn't she?"

Ethan squinted at him. "She came here to see Noel."

Cal looked intently into Ethan's eyes, leaning close so Ethan could see him. "It will be okay, Ethan. The last thing I want is for you to go through all that again, but you've been through it before and you can do it again."

"I'm sorry, but I really don't-"

"Ethan, just admit it," said Cal, swallowing a lump in his throat. "If Honey has an STD, she has to inform all her previous partners. That's why she came to see you."

Ethan's eyes widened. "No, that's not why at all! It only happened three days ago. And in any case, Honey and I didn't…" He stopped, flushing. "It happened three days ago, Caleb."

Cal felt a moment's amusement that his little brother hadn't managed to get Honey into bed - but it didn't last. It didn't _matter_. Ethan needed him and all Cal wanted was to throw both arms around Ethan and hold him tightly… but he couldn't. "Then why are you so upset?" A horrible thought struck him. "Oh God, Ethan, you're not still in love with her?"

"No," said Ethan, his eyes filling with tears again. "I'm not. If I was, then maybe I wouldn't have messed it up. But I did."

Cal tried leaning over in the hope he might at least be able to hold Ethan's hand with his bad hand, but he couldn't reach. "I'm sure you didn't mess anything up, Ethan."

"I did!" sobbed Ethan. "Of course I did. Just like I always do. I'm a useless doctor, Cal. Useless!"

Cal noticed Ethan's tissue was getting soggy and he tried to get him another one, but his arm wouldn't move. "You're not useless, Ethan. You're a great doctor. You've just had a really difficult time lately. It happens to all doctors. You know what I was like after we lost Matilda. It happens to all of us and it doesn't make you a bad doctor."

"No, but it's not just that," sniffed Ethan. "I frightened her away. She was so scared, but she decided to talk to me and tell me what happened. She said she wanted me to do the examination because she trusted me." Finally, he gave up on his tissue and reached for a clean one. "I tried to convince her a female doctor would be better, but she wanted me to do it. I was so scared, Cal, but it was what she wanted and I knew I had to do my best."

"And you did your best, Nibbles," said Cal gently. "You always do."

Ethan looked at him with hopeless brown eyes. "Then why did she run away? I must have done something wrong. I keep doing the wrong thing because they all run away!"

"Come here," said Cal. He pushed Ethan's head against his uninjured shoulder and let him cry.

* * *

Ethan thought crying might make him feel better, but it didn't. It made his head ache and his eyes feel sore and it only seemed to confirm that he was a useless doctor. Proper doctors didn't go around crying. Well, Cal did, but he'd lost his daughter.

"Ethan, you're a great doctor and everyone knows that," said Cal. He looked sympathetically at Ethan. "But no matter how many times I say it, I don't think I'm going to convince you, am I?"

Ethan shook his head and put his glasses on.

"You need to go home and sleep," said Cal. He stroked Ethan's shoulder. "Maybe take some time off."

"A long time off," said Ethan hollowly.

Cal looked worried. "You really aren't in a good way if you want time off. Come on. I'll take you home." He looked down and his sling and smiled ruefully. "Or maybe you need to take _me_ home!"

Ethan nodded and stood up, but then he stopped. "What about Honey?"

"She's not our responsibility," said Cal.

"She's _my_ responsibility!" said Ethan, his throat clogged with emotion. "Please, Cal. I've got to do something."

Cal patted his shoulder. "It sounds like you've already gone above and beyond."

"No, I haven't," said Ethan. "I know I'm a useless doctor-"

"No, you're not!"

"-but I want to help her, Cal. As a friend." Ethan's eyes filled, but he was past being embarrassed. "Please, Cal? I have to do something. She's all on her own and she's vulnerable."

Cal's face was kind. "I know, Ethan, but you said Zoe called the police..."

"Yes, but we haven't heard anything," said Ethan, as a tear trickled down his cheek.

"No news is good news?"

Ethan almost managed to summon up a glare. "Is it really worth the risk? It's been three days, Cal. And you might not care about her anymore, but I do. She was our friend before she broke my... broke up with me."

Cal looked like he might argue, but then he sighed and nodded. "Okay. I'll phone her. I know you haven't got her number anymore, but it must be on the computer system or we wouldn't have been able to contact her to tell her about Noel."

"She didn't answer when Lofty tried phoning her," said Ethan.

"Okay: it probably is better to do this in person," said Cal. "I'll track her mobile: there are sites where you can do that."

"Thank you," said Ethan simply. He hoped Cal knew how much he meant it. "I'll take you home first."

Cal stared at him. "Take me home? What are you talking about? We're in this together, Nibbles. I know I might not be able to drive and I think I'd be pretty useless in a fist fight, but I'm going to be there."

Ethan started to feel emotional again. "I don't want you to be in any more pain because of me."

"Stop arguing or I won't do the mobile tracker for you!" said Cal.

Ethan knew he could probably do it himself, but the truth was he wanted Cal there. He still felt fragile and he'd already frightened Honey off once. He blinked hard and sniffed. "Thanks, Cal. So much."

"What are big brothers for?" said Cal. "Now, dry your eyes and get that tea down you - and I'll see if I can find the Honey."


	13. Chapter 13

**EDSidekick** , I haven't decided whether Cal and Ethan will talk in this story a lot - it's ended up so far away from my original plan! But I think they probably will talk. Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed the chapter.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's nice for me to be writing about Cal comforting Ethan too!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. There's more of big brother Cal in this story! At least there has now been some sort of reconciliation between Cal and Ethan in the show... but will it last?

 **Tanith Panic** , I think I might be more comfortable talking about things like that to Ethan than to someone like Connie! But I would prefer Zoe to Cal, which isn't something I'd usually say. I love it when Cal and Ethan look out for each other. The fact they argue might even make it mean more when they support each other. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , you're right about Honey's possible reaction to Cal's presence, which is mentioned in this chapter, but I really wanted the boys to be together for the final stretch. Thank you for your review - I love it when they support each other too.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan really needs Cal's support at the moment and it might also be good for Cal to reminded how strong Ethan can be, even when he's distraught. I love it when they don't hate each other!

* * *

It was a long time since Ethan had walked beside Cal and felt like this.

Safe. Protected.

For the first time in a long time, Ethan realised he wasn't on his own. He had someone looking out for him. Someone who cared.

"What if we can't find her?" said Ethan.

Cal put his arm around him. "Then we'll try another mobile tracker."

"What if she won't listen to us?"

"Then we'll keep trying until she does."

Ethan knew it wouldn't be that simple, but he felt comforted just knowing Cal had come up with some sort of answer.

They reached the car. As Ethan seemed to have unquestioningly accepted Cal's authority, he went automatically to the passenger seat.

"Ethan, I'm afraid you'll have to drive," said Cal, indicating his sling.

"Right. Sorry." Ethan tried to hide his embarrassment as he went around to the driver's seat.

Cal tapped his arm as he passed. "Don't apologise. I wouldn't!"

* * *

Cal knew Ethan was more worried about Honey than he was letting on and he wasn't surprised to see him looking more and more distraught as he drove. Cal was glad when Ethan finally parked the car somewhere close to Honey's location. He could tell Ethan was struggling and it wasn't as though Cal could take over driving.

Ethan switched the ignition off and undid his seatbelt, but other than that, he didn't move.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked softly.

Ethan glared at him. "How can you possibly expect me to be okay?"

That was when Cal realised how serious it was. It took a lot for Ethan to admit he wasn't okay. "You won't be on your own, Ethan. I'll be here."

"But you can't be," said Ethan hopelessly. "You're not supposed to know. I know you kind of guessed and I only told you because you'd jumped to completely the wrong conclusion, but it is confidential information. I need Honey to trust me and she's not going to do that if I go in there with you."

Cal could see his point. "But are you sure you'll be okay on your own?"

"I don't know, Cal. I really don't." The little strength Ethan had seemed to drain away from him. He flung his glasses on top of the dashboard and put his head in his hands, Although he didn't make a sound, Cal could see his shoulders were shaking.

It was difficult, hugging Ethan with only one arm, but Cal did his best. "Come on, Ethan. Come here."

Ethan resisted at first. If Cal had believed Ethan didn't want and need the comfort, he would have backed off, but Cal knew how frightened and upset Ethan was. So Cal didn't give up, and eventually, Ethan threw his arms around Cal's neck and began to sob out loud.

"It's okay, Ethan. It's okay," said Cal. "You can do this. I know you can."

"How do you know?" wept Ethan into his shoulder. "What if I mess it up again? Then she might never get help and she could be living with a condition for the rest of her life and it'll be my fault…"

Cal held him more tightly. "Come on, Ethan. This isn't you. You're the strong one. You're the brave one and you didn't mess up. You dealing with a very vulnerable and sensitive patient and you're putting her in a situation where she's going to feel even more vulnerable. But that's not your fault. You had to do it."

"But I must have done the wrong thing. I always do the wrong thing!"

"Sometimes there isn't a right thing," said Cal. "You can't give Honey the examination she needs without making her feel more vulnerable. But that's a failing of the system, not you. I hope that in the future, there will be a non-invasive way of finding out this information, but for now, we can only do our best with what we've got – and accept that the patient won't always have the strength to let you do what she needs."

"But it's not always the patient's fault."

"It's not really the patient's fault or the doctor's fault – it's just that the patient just isn't ready," said Cal. "It's understandable. The reason she's in this situation is because someone touched her in a way that shouldn't ever happen without consent. No matter how gentle and kind and understanding the doctor is – and I know you were all three, Ethan, because I know you – it's going to be horrible and terrifying. It is not your fault that Honey couldn't stay. Look at me, Ethan." He waited until Ethan's wet eyes had met his. "It's not your fault."

Ethan sniffed. "How do you know?"

"Because I know you, Ethan. I know you'll always do your best."

"But my best isn't always good enough, is it?" said Ethan, and started sobbing again, his head back on Cal's shoulder.

Cal stroked his hair. "It's okay, Ethan. It's going to be okay. It's not your fault and you can do this. I know you can. And I'll be here. Even if I don't go with you, I'll still be here."

Ethan cried a bit more, but he eventually lifted his head. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising. There's no need." Cal found some tissues in the glove compartment and handed one to Ethan. "Listen to me." Cal uttered a silent prayer that he wasn't about to say something stupid. He so often did. "Sometimes a doctor's best isn't good enough, but that's not the doctor's fault. We can only do so much. I know you want to do more, but sometimes that's impossible. It hurts, but it doesn't mean you've turned into a bad doctor."

Ethan sniffed. "But it wasn't just once, Cal. It was lots of times."

"That's bad luck," said Cal. "We all have failures, all the time, and sometimes you will get lots close together. Do you remember when I was in that car crash? I helped four people. Three of them died. It was horrible and devastating and if you hadn't been there for me that night, I don't know what I would have done. But I didn't feel responsible because you wouldn't let me. I know it wasn't my fault because you helped me to believe it."

Ethan wiped his eyes. "And if there were things you could have done differently – though I don't think it applied in this case because no-one could have done more – that isn't your fault either. You're a doctor, but you're not psychic. All you could do was make the best judgement with the information you had, but you could only make your decisions on what might happen. You couldn't have known what would happen."

Cal smiled. "Well, I hope you were listening to yourself, Nibbles, because you just put that a lot better than I could. You couldn't have known how much Honey could cope with. You couldn't have known – and neither did Honey – that she couldn't cope with having the examination done by a man, even a man she trusted. A lot of it is just guesswork and instinct and you're not going to get that right all the time."

"But I know Honey," said Ethan.

"It's very difficult to predict even the people you know," said Cal. "Predictions are based on what the person has done in the past. But how can you know when they're in a completely new situation?"

Ethan thought for a moment. "I expected you to run from the responsibility of looking after Matilda. But you didn't. I got that wrong."

"Yes, but that doesn't make you a bad brother or a bad doctor," said Cal. "For the record, I was as surprised as you were." He patted Ethan's arm. "None of it's your fault, Ethan and I _know_ you can go in there and talk to Honey now. I believe in you."

Ethan sniffed. "But that's just another prediction, isn't it? How can you know?"

"I suppose I can't – but when you say you think you can't cope, that's just a prediction too, isn't it?" said Cal. "We won't know who's right unless you give it a try. But what I do know is that you'll try your best and do everything you can because you're Ethan. Success can be out of your control. But how hard you try is never in question."

Ethan was silent as he thought about this, but at last, he nodded. "Okay," he said softly. "I'll try."

"Whatever happens, I don't think anyone could do better than you," said Cal.

"Do you really think that?" asked Ethan.

"I know it," said Cal. He took Ethan's hand and held it. "I know you'll do your best. I know you'll do more than most doctors would – the fact you're here at all shows that. But whatever happens, I'll be here. Waiting for you."


	14. Chapter 14

_I hope the stuff about mobile phone trackers isn't completely wrong. I don't know anything about them. I tried to go on a site to track my phone, but the site looked a bit dodgy so I didn't do it._

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think Cal does have great faith in Ethan, though it would take a lot for him to say so! Luckily when I'm the writer, they say whatever I want them to! Most of the time.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. It's lovely to hear that you like the way I write Cal and Ethan. They are brilliant characters with many layers so there's always a lot you can write about, but that doesn't mean I'll always do a good job.

 **20BlueRoses** , I'm glad you liked the first few lines. It is sad that Ethan doesn't feel like that about Cal more often, though I'm sure he never really hates him as much as he pretends. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I'm so pleased you enjoyed the chapter - I hope you're feeling less fragile today, though Saturday certainly wouldn't have helped! I'm really happy you could picture it happening, even though they're doing weird things like hugging! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan gave Cal one last hug (it was weird how they kept hugging, but as long as it was helping, Ethan wasn't going to complain) and got out of the car. According to the signal on his phone, Honey hadn't left the area. He walked up the road his phone had identified, looking from left to right. The tracker had suggested Honey was in a pub on the left-hand side of the road, but Ethan had no way of knowing the tracker's accuracy. He wished now that Cal had tracked his phone too so they had some idea of the tracker's accuracy, but it was too late for that now.

The pub seemed the most likely place as the few shops all looked closed and the rest of the area was residential, but as he walked, Ethan realised he couldn't be sure who Honey's friends were. She might have friends he'd never met, perhaps from when she'd worked in the club. She might have struck up friendships with regular visitors to the shop. She might even have had other boyfriends, though Ethan felt only a tiny amount of hurt at the thought. He'd been heartbroken at the time, but he realised now that Honey wasn't right for him. They were too different.

But there was nothing to be gained from wondering who Honey might or might not know in the area. The pub was the obvious first place to check and the fact that pubs frightened Ethan a little bit was no reason to back out.

This was far too important for that.

Ethan pushed open the door and was immediately hit by noise. Loud music from a rather off-key live band came from one part of the pub; he could also hear the sound of some kind of sporting match on TV, accompanied by the banter of rival supporters. There was also raised voices: some shouting drunkenly and others lifting their voices in an effort to be heard over the babble. Ethan began to walk nervously around the pub, looking at everyone; flinching away as he was met by challenging stares and blushing when a scantily-clad girl smiled at him.

He moved away from her quickly and continued his search, but Honey wasn't sitting at any of the tables. He looked at the crowd around the bar, but they all seemed to be taller than Ethan and there was no way of seeing past them. All he could do was wait till the throng had cleared. Perhaps then, either Honey would become visible or she would push her way out once she'd bought her drink.

Then he had an idea.

Maybe he didn't have to wait. One small experiment might tell him if Honey was there. It might not work, but it had to be worth a try.

He texted Cal, explaining (probably with far too much detail), what he wanted him to do. Then he stood at the back of the crowd at the bar, and waited.

* * *

Cal listened to the sound of the phone ringing and hoped that Ethan would hear the sound and that it would lead him to Honey. But he knew it was really only a guess that Honey was in the pub. It was the sort of place he might go when he was feeling upset and scared and vulnerable, but he knew it could be very different for someone in Honey's situation. She could easily be feeling much too vulnerable to sit in a pub alone, surrounded by drunken men.

But if she wasn't there, Cal didn't know what they could do. They could scarcely knock on the door of everyone in the area and asked if they had a visitor called Honey. Cal closed his eyes and hoped – no, prayed – that Ethan would find her – and not just for her own sake. Cal wanted Honey to be okay and to have the tests she needed, but even more than that, he wanted his little brother to be okay. If Ethan was unable to find Honey, it would be another 'failure' to add to the list. Cal didn't even want to think about what that would do to Ethan.

The phone stopped ringing. It didn't go to voicemail, so Cal could only assume Honey had rejected the call. But maybe that wouldn't matter. All Ethan needed was to hear the ringtone and he'd know Honey was there.

He sent a quick text and got a response from Ethan. _Cal, thank you for phoning Honey for me. I didn't hear any ringtones but the pub is very crowded and noisy and there's a separate section where some people are watching football. I'm in that section now. I don't think Honey is here, but rather than walk in front of the screen and possibly get myself killed, would you mind phoning Honey again for me? Thank you. I appreciate it._

Despite the situation, Cal felt himself smiling. All Ethan had to do was send a text, but he'd practically written a novel. He sent a three-word text agreeing to his suggestion – _Sure no probs_ – and then phoned Honey again.

Again, it rang, but this time, the call was rejected a lot more quickly. Concerned it might not have given Ethan enough time to hear the sound – after all, Honey might not have the same ringtone so Ethan might not know exactly what he was listening for – Cal tried calling again, but this time, it went straight to voicemail.

Cal considered leaving Honey a message but decided against it. He didn't know what he could say without making it clear he knew what had happened.

Ethan phoned a few minutes later. He sounded defeated; depressed. "I still haven't heard anything. Maybe I just couldn't hear it over all the noise, but I think she's just not in there. What's the chance of her coming to a place like this after what's happened anyway? It's not just a friendly local pub. There are serious drinkers and rowdy football fans here."

Cal heard his brother's voice wobble slightly and felt his throat contract in sympathy, stopping the smile that had come automatically to his lips as he'd heard Ethan's complaints. "Come back to the car, Ethan. We'll try another mobile tracker. There might be a time delay or something. Or maybe it's just rubbish and another one will be better."

"Maybe," said Ethan, his voice shaking even more. "I'll see you in a minute then."

"I'll come and meet you," said Cal. He wasn't in that much pain and it sounded like Ethan was close to tears. Small wonder after what he'd been through today – and the past couple of weeks.

"No, please stay where you are," said Ethan anxiously. "I'll be fine on my own and you need to rest."

Cal got out of the car. "You don't get a choice, Nibbles. I'm coming."

"Okay." Ethan was clearly too downhearted to argue.

"Listen to me," said Cal, as he began to walk across the car park. "We're not giving up yet, but even if we don't find Honey, it doesn't mean you've failed. It just means you were trying to do something that's impossible. You know we can't help everyone, Ethan, and there are all kinds of reasons why that can happen."

He thought he heard Ethan sniff. "One of the reasons being that the doctor is useless."

"But not in this case, Ethan!" Cal's voice was firm. "You're not useless. You're the least useless doctor I've ever-"

He stopped, holding the phone slightly away from his ear.

He listened.

Then he spoke. "Ethan, you need to to get here now."

* * *

Ethan heard Cal's quiet words and froze. For all of two seconds, he couldn't move, but then he began to understand what Cal had told him. Something was wrong and Cal needed him. "I'm coming, Cal. Hold on, okay? I'm coming."

He disconnected the call and ran along the road as quickly as he could. He wasn't much of a runner and was soon breathless, but he didn't stop. The thought came into his mind that Honey had arrived in the car park, but that seemed unlikely. If that were the case, Ethan would almost certainly have seen her.

It was much more likely that someone needed medical assistance – and Cal, with only one working arm, could only give limited help.

He was almost at the car park when he saw the figures in front of him. Someone was crouched on the ground, screaming. Cal was grappling with a man who was slightly smaller than him and not as muscular, but who had the advantage of two arms. Cal had hold of him and was trying to get his arms behind his back, but it was impossible and his assailant needed only to throw the most casual punch in order to send Cal tumbling to the ground.

He cried out as he landed on his injured arm and Ethan raced forwards. He was even more useless at this kind of thing than he was at being a doctor, but he had to try. The fact the man had his back to him could only help.

"Ethan!" screamed the person on the ground.

Ethan recognised her voice. For a moment, he panicked that she'd given his presence away, but the man didn't turn. Ethan's trainers were almost soundless and the man probably assumed Cal was the one called Ethan.

Ethan took a deep breath, shut his eyes (he didn't know why) and launched himself at the man. The combination of Ethan's weight and the element of surprise pushed the man to the floor with Ethan on top of him. Ethan sat on him and grabbed his arms but realised immediately that the man was far stronger than he was. He shook Ethan's hands from his arms and punched backwards, catching Ethan in the stomach and making him yelp.

But it was the man who yelped next and Ethan realised that someone was sitting behind him, helping to pin down the man and reaching around Ethan with his one good hand.

"You take his other hand, Ethan," said Cal. His voice was almost a groan of pain, but Ethan understood and seized it with both hands.

"Honey, phone the police!" he called out, but as he spoke, he heard Honey's voice.

"I need the police! Some guy tried to attack me and my mates are holding him down but one of them's a right wimp and the other one's only got one arm! Oh my God, please hurry!"


	15. Chapter 15

_I hope this isn't too rushed. I really want to finish this story soon as all the storylines featured here have moved on such a long way in Casualty. I think there will be one more chapter after this. Thank you to everyone who's encouraged me to keep writing it._

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. Ethan has had a very difficult time in this story! Though when doesn't he, when I'm writing it?

 **tracys dream** , I'm glad you found it exciting. I was really worried it was dull, but I've lost motivation with this story a bit. It's good to know it's still being read and enjoyed. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid it wasn't a very nice thing for Honey to say! I think you'll find you're not the only one who isn't very pleased about that. Thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like my dialogue - that's my favourite part of writing.

* * *

Cal stared at Honey in annoyance. He almost regretted coming now. Ethan had come all this way to look for her and she'd called him a wimp! And what was the silly girl doing, going off with another man? He would never, ever say someone was asking to be raped - that would be as disgusting as it was impossible. But Honey didn't seem to have any understanding if the dangerous situations she was putting herself in.

"Where am I?" Honey said blankly into the phone. "I don't know. I can't remember. Where am I, Ethan?"

Ethan gave clear and precise details of their location which Honey repeated into the phone. Cal could only admire him for staying so calm. There were a lot of instances recently when Ethan hadn't stayed calm. Also times when he'd completely fallen apart – but he was perfectly in control now.

"Okay. See you soon then," said Honey, as though she was arranging coffee with a friend. "Thanks. Bye."

Then she hung up the phone, collapsed onto the ground and burst into hysterics.

Cal rolled his eyes and prepared to offer comfort, but Ethan spoke first – rather breathlessly, as he was dealing with a struggling and verbally abusive criminal, but still reassuringly. "Honey, it's okay. We're here and we're not going to let anything happen to you. You were very brave to make that phone call and I'm proud of you."

"I didn't really mean it about you being a wimp," wept Honey. "I just thought that would make them come quicker."

"I know," said Ethan, who probably hadn't. "It's okay. Don't worry."

"I know you're not a wimp!" wailed Honey. "You didn't come all this way for the beer, did you?" She sobbed some more. "You came to find me."

Ethan nodded. "I handled the situation badly before and I'm sorry. Anything you do from this point is your decision and I'll support you in that, but I really hope you'll come back with us and see your dad."

Honey thought for a moment. "That's all I have to do? Just see my dad?"

"You don't have to do anything," said Ethan. "But that's all I'm asking. If you want any medical assistance at any point, then of course it's available, but you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I've made you aware of your medical situation. I've given my advice. But now, it's up to you what you do and whatever you decide, you'll have all my support and no pressure."

There was a sound of outrage from the criminal. "Are you saying you've got something, you dirty bitch?"

"Of course she's not!" snapped Cal. "Though who knows what might have happened if we hadn't showed up! Is that the only way you can pull, is it? Preying on vulnerable young girls? What kind of pathetic lowlife are you?"

"Cal, leave it." Ethan spoke firmly over more foul and abusive language. "He's not worth it. Let's just think about Honey."

"By the way, Honey, I have absolutely no idea what Ethan's talking about," said Cal belatedly.

Honey looked up and met his eyes. She was still crying, but she seemed calmer now. "It's okay, Cal. It doesn't matter. I trust you both." She turned to Ethan. "Thank you, Ethan. For everything you've done. You talked to me, listened to me, understood me, helped me, accepted me, cared about me, rescued me… you're amazing and letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made."

"Oh… well… thank you," said Ethan. "And you're welcome."

Cal felt himself relax slightly – but not too much. It didn't do to relax too much when you were sitting on a criminal. But he was glad Honey appreciated his little brother for once.

Honey sighed. "You don't want me back, though, do you?"

"I think we both know how that would end," said Ethan. There was real regret in his voice - though not as much as there might have been. "You're beautiful, Honey, and sweet and insightful, but we're too different."

"It's the 'doctor-and-the-stripper' thing, isn't it?" said Honey.

"No. It's the 'completely-different-interests' thing," said Ethan.

"Maybe you're right," said Honey. She looked sad for a moment, but then she smiled. "That was a brilliant rugby-tackle though. I never knew you had it in you."

"No. Neither did I," said Ethan.

"And I will go back with you," said Honey. "My dad will be wondering where I've got to."

Cal gave her a crooked smile. "I'm really not sure you should tell him!"

"I'll tell him I took a wrong turning," said Honey. "Because I did. Lots of wrong turnings."

Ethan's voice was kind. "But we've found you now, Honey. It's going to be okay."

* * *

It seemed like an age until the police arrived. Even once they finally had, there were questions to be answered. The police wanted to know why Honey had gone back to the car park with the man. Ethan had to admit he was curious about that too but felt it was none of his business.

"I just… wanted to be with someone who was nice to me," said Honey. "Someone who didn't know me. Someone who wouldn't ask too many questions. There were a million things going round in my head and I wasn't thinking straight and before I knew it, I was back at the car park." She looked at Cal, then Ethan. "If these guys hadn't been here, I don't know what I'd have done."

"Well, we _were_ here," said Ethan, rather surprised at himself for interrupting a police interview, but Honey clearly needed the reassurance. "And nothing did happen. You don't need to worry about it anymore."

Finally, the questions were over. Ethan was relieved for Cal's sake as well as Honey's. Cal was very pale and he was giving his elbow extra support with his hand. As they walked back to the car, he staggered slightly and Ethan caught him, putting his arm firmly around his brother's waist. "It's okay, Cal. I've got you." After a slight hesitation, he put his other arm around Honey. "I've got both of you. And now we're going home."

Ethan drove them back to the hospital. Cal still wasn't looking great, so Ethan helped him into the staff room and made both him and Honey a cup of tea.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" said Cal.

Ethan looked at him and shook his head. "I think you've had more than enough excitement for one day. Stay there and rest. I can remember the way to Noel's room."

Honey stood up, then she bent down and gave Cal a kiss. "That's to say thanks. In case I don't see you again. But I hope I will."

"You're welcome," said Cal. "But it was mostly Ethan."

Honey turned and smiled at Ethan. "Yeah, I know," she said.

Ethan cleared his throat awkwardly and gestured. "Shall we?"

He and Honey walked to Noel's room almost in complete silence. Ethan was feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't have to hang on for too much longer. All he had to do was deliver Honey to Noel, take Cal home, and then he could fall apart as much as he needed to.

"Here we are," said Ethan. "Your dad's in there."

Honey looked at the room for a moment, then she put her arms around Ethan and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Ethan."

"You're very, um, welcome," said Ethan, blushing. "I'm, um, glad I was able to help." Speech became slightly easier once Honey had let go of him. "But I'm sorry I wasn't able to help with anything else."

He thought Honey was about to speak. She bit her lip and looked at the floor.

"Is everything okay?" asked Ethan softly.

Honey's lip was trembling. "I'm just… scared, okay?"

"That's understandable," said Ethan. "It is very difficult seeing someone you care about ill or injured. But I'm sure you'll be okay. I know you can do this and he'll be so glad to see you."

Honey nodded, but then her eyes filled with tears. Her hand shot out and grabbed Ethan's. "Come in with me?" she pleaded.

Ethan shook his head helplessly. "Honey, I'm really not sure…"

"Please, Ethan. Please," wept Honey. "I can't do it on my own. I can't do anything on my own."

"Now, you know that's not true," said Ethan. "You came all the way to Holby and met your dad and formed a relationship with him. You've really turned your life around. I know some things have gone wrong recently, but I have no doubt you'll sort that out too. When you're ready." His hand closed around hers. "But of course I'll take you to see your dad if you'd like me to. It will be okay."

Honey looked up at him for a moment and nodded. Ethan squeezed her hand and let go. Together, they walked towards Noel's room.

Ethan tapped lightly on the door and opened it. Noel was lying there, his eyes open, talking to a nurse. "Um, excuse me. I've got a visitor for Noel, if that's okay?"

"A visitor?" Noel looked tired and unwell, but his eyes lit up as he echoed Ethan's words. "For me?"

"For you," said Ethan.

The nurse smiled and said she'd finished anyway. She left the room, smiling at Honey on the way.

Ethan lowered his voice. "It'll be fine. I promise."

He put his hand on Honey's shoulder and gently ushered her into the room. He watched as Noel's eyes lit up again, then a smile spread across his face. "Honey!"

"Dad!" said Honey, and ran to him. "How are you? Are you in much pain? I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

Noel lifted his hand slowly. "I'm okay," he said, as Honey took his hand in hers. "I'm okay now you're here."

Ethan spoke softly, not wanting to interrupt the reunion but knowing he ought to let Honey know he was leaving. "I'll give you some time with your dad now, Honey."

"Thank you," said Honey, with a small smile.

Ethan nodded and turned to leave, but Honey ran out after him.

"Ethan? Will you still be around later? There's… something I need to do."

"I need to take Cal home," said Ethan, "but after I've done that, I'll come back."

"Will… will Zoe be here too?"

"We'll both be here," said Ethan.


	16. Chapter 16

_I meant to finish this story weeks ago, but I got caught up in other things and the subject of the final chapter seemed like such a long time ago, it felt a bit strange going back to it. But I didn't want to leave the story unfinished so here you are and I hope it's not as weak an ending as it seems to me._

 **Tanith Panic** , you see: even Honey can be nice on occasion! I don't know about a relationship, but I think Honey and Ethan can definitely be friends. It looks like she was wrong about his long lifeline though. Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the chapter.

 **EDSidekick** , I have trouble keeping up with my reading notifications too - and with my writing! Ethan probably did look strange in that pub! Especially as I'm not sure he changed out of his scrubs. Ethan was lovely to Honey, but I only hope he'll be able to believe he's a good doctor, friend and person. No, Honey isn't Ethan's Miss Wright! Thank you for your reviews.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad the chapter didn't seem rushed. I'm not really sure I like Honey, but she's interesting to write. I hope his success will have boosted his confidence, but there's another shock to come...

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you like this story. I really like Zoe as a character and she seemed like the obvious person to comfort Ethan. I love Ethan's caring side too - if only he could see it.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm glad Honey went back to Noel in the end too - he'll be so glad of her support. Getting her to see Noel and receive treatment means two successes for Ethan! If he sees it that way. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Is-there-somewhere-x** for the follow._

* * *

Cal looked up as Ethan entered the flat. He looked completely exhausted and when he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, Cal immediately got to his feet and went over to him. "You okay, Nibbles?"

Ethan nodded. He put his glasses back on and smiled at Cal. "I feel as though I could sleep for a week, but I'm okay apart from that. How's your arm?"

"It's much better now I've taken my painkillers." Cal put his good arm around Ethan and led him to the sofa. "Are you sure you're okay? It's been a pretty tough day for you."

"It has," agreed Ethan. He sank down onto the sofa. "But it turned out okay in the end."

Cal almost hugged Ethan in relief. "Honey came out clear?"

"So far everything's clear and Zoe managed to collect some evidence," said Ethan. "She'll have to have more tests, but she's feeling more positive about everything."

"And how about you?" said Cal, his eyes anxiously looking into Ethan's. "Are you feeling more positive?"

Ethan sighed. "I don't know. I'm glad we found Honey and brought her back. It's good to have got something right. It's good to be reminded that I can."

Cal's hope drained away. "But?"

"But one good day isn't going to solve all my problems," said Ethan.

Cal wanted to put his arms around Ethan and hold him tightly. He resisted the urge. Ethan had accepted his hugs earlier, but Cal wasn't going to assume he'd still be willing to receive them now. "I suppose not. But like you said, it's a reminder that you can do it."

"It is a reminder," said Ethan. "And you have no idea how relieved I feel."

Cal thought he had some idea from the emotion in Ethan's voice.

"I know I've been struggling badly and I'm not going to snap out of it just because of one success," continued Ethan. "But it's made me feel that I want to keep fighting. That my career is worth fighting for."

"It is," said Cal simply. "It really is. And I'll be here to support you, Ethan. Every minute."

Ethan put his hand on Cal's shoulder. "And I'm here to support you. So whatever's wrong; whatever you've been struggling with lately, I hope you can tell me. Because I'm your brother, Caleb. And nothing's going to change that."

"Struggling?" said Cal unconvincingly. "Me?"

"I know there's something," said Ethan. "There's been something wrong since we lost Matilda. I thought it was Matilda at first, but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think if you were missing Matilda, you would have told me."

"I do miss her," said Cal, tears filling his eyes as he admitted it. "But it's not just that, Ethan. it's not just that."

"Then will you tell me?" said Ethan. "I might be able to help. Even if all I can do is listen."

Cal sighed. "I don't want to upset you."

"I thought you said I could deal with anything," said Ethan. He said the words without accusation, but Cal felt their force.

"You can, but…" Cal stopped.

"Is it going to go away if you don't tell me?"

"No," admitted Cal.

"Then you've got to tell me, haven't you?" said Ethan. He reached for Cal's hand and held it tightly. "No matter how bad it is, I'll be here, okay? Don't be scared. I know I messed up being there for Honey and Chris, but I promise, Caleb-"

"You didn't mess up with Honey and Chris!" said Cal. "But this… it doesn't just affect me. It affects you too."

He saw fear come into Ethan's eyes, but only for a moment. "Then that makes it even more important that you tell me."

Cal had no answer for that. All he could do was tell Ethan – and change his life forever.

Ethan squeezed Cal's hand briefly, then let go. He turned away as though he was giving Cal space, but Cal knew he was waiting. Waiting for the smallest sign that Cal was ready to speak.

Cal dropped his head into his hands. "I don't know how to tell you."

"Tell me straight out," said Ethan. "Just state what the problem is. Don't go on some roundabout route and leave me to imagine what it might be. Just tell me."

Cal knew he might regret this, but he didn't have any better ideas. He lifted his head and looked straight at Ethan. "We're adopted and our real mum has Huntington's."

Ethan frowned slightly as he stared at Cal. "No, the _truth_ , Caleb. I want the truth." He seemed slightly angry.

"That is the truth!" said Cal.

"It can't be!" said Ethan. His voice rang with certainty. "I would know if we were adopted. Mum would have told me. Look, if you're determined not to tell me, fine. If you refuse to tell me what you've admitted I have a right to know-"

"She didn't tell me either," broke in Cal, his voice scratchy. "I had no idea till I looked at the paternity tests and realised my blood type was O."

"There's nothing wrong with that," said Ethan. He was almost snapping, but Cal could detect fear behind the annoyance now. "O is the most common blood type there is."

Cal screwed his eyes shut, trying to find the courage to continue. "And what's Mum's blood type?"

"AB," said Ethan instantly. He looked questioningly at Cal, as though asking what that proved, but then Cal saw his eyes widen. They filled with disbelief, then fear. Ethan raised a shaking hand to his mouth as the blood drained from his face. The rest of his body began to shake. His mouth opened and seemed to frame words, but nothing came out.

Cal wanted to hold him, but he felt frozen in place. "That's right, Ethan. A woman with AB blood can't give birth to a child with O blood. Matilda didn't give birth to me."

"So you're not my…" Ethan stopped. "Wait. No. You said _our_ mother had… how do you know?"

"I… I found out," said Cal. "No. Charlie found out for me."

Ethan gave several noisy, gasping breaths. "You told Charlie and you didn't tell…." He was almost wheezing now.

Medical instinct gave Cal the power to move when brotherly instinct could not. He reached for his brother's hand and placed it on his chest, his thumb gently rubbing the back of Ethan's hand. "Breathe, Ethan. Breathe with me." His own breath was quicker than it should have been, but it was slower than Ethan's.

"Why did you tell him?" said Ethan, between gulps of air. "Why did you tell Charlie and not me?"

"I told Charlie because he was there when I realised," said Cal. "I was stunned. Shocked. Terrified. I just blurted it out. Charlie said he'd help me. And he did."

Ethan took his glasses off and rubbed at his teary eyes. "And why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

"Because I knew you'd want to know if you were adopted too," said Cal. "Charlie managed to find out our mum's name – don't ask me how – but he didn't tell me if you were my brother. Even though that was the most important thing for me." His voice shook. "I wanted you to be my brother, Ethan! That was _all_ I wanted. I walked towards the house praying you were my brother. Then I met our mum and saw what was wrong with her and I ran away from the house praying that you weren't."

Ethan's eyes were watering. He wiped them quickly and tried to speak. "But… we are brothers? And our mum has…"

"I'm so sorry," said Cal. He put his arm around Ethan's shoulders and tried to pull him closer, but Ethan's muscles were rigid. "We are brothers. Emilie – our biological mum – confirmed it. She said Mum – Matilda – didn't know about the Huntington's. She tried phoning her, but she couldn't speak. She tried writing, but the words didn't come. I get that it was hard, but we're her sons, for God's sake! We deserved to know about this!"

Ethan wiped his eyes again. "Why didn't Mum tell us we were adopted?"

"I don't know," said Cal. "And we'll almost certainly never know. Maybe she thought of us as her sons and the fact she didn't give birth to us just wasn't important to her. But whatever her reasons were; whatever Emilie's reasons were... one of us probably has Huntington's."

"And you don't know if you…"

"No," said Cal.

Both brothers were silent. Contemplating the test. Contemplating their futures.

"It must have been such a shock," said Ethan, his voice tremulous but compassionate. "You'd lost Matilda and then… _this_."

"And you had all sorts of problems at work and then… _this_ ," said Cal.

Ethan nodded faintly and looked up at his big brother in a way that he hadn't done for years. "So, what do we do now?"

Cal felt panic. He didn't want to be the one who made the decisions. Ethan always did that. He was the strong one. The brave one. The one who faced things.

But he knew that wasn't fair. They were going through the same thing and they had to face it together. Be strong and brave for each other.

"I think we should…" It was difficult. Cal could feel the panic pressing in on him. The devastation of knowing the chances were that one of them had it. The absolute terror that it might be Ethan.

He didn't want it to be Ethan. Ethan was so kind and thoughtful and just great. He had so much more promise as a doctor and a human being than Cal. Ethan didn't deserve this.

Well, neither of them deserved this – no-one did: not even the woman who'd given them away and then not told them of their possible future - but the worst things always seemed to happen to the most undeserving people.

"Yes?" said Ethan, his voice small and tight; his eyes shiny.

"I think we should have the test," said Cal. "It is better to know the truth than to run away from it. Honey showed me that."

"Yes," agreed Ethan sadly. "We'll have the test."

"And then we'll talk to Connie about getting some time off," said Cal. "Time together. Our last week or so of ignorance."

Ethan wiped his eyes. "It will hardly be bliss."

"We can try to make it bliss," said Cal. He pushed Ethan's shoulder gently. At first, his brother resisted, then he put his arms around Cal, holding him tightly.

"We'll do this together," said Ethan. "And whatever the result is, we'll deal with it together. As brothers."

"As brothers," agreed Cal.


End file.
